1)We will now upgrade your brain, please wait....Searching....searching...still searching....sorry,NO BRAIN found...!

2)I'M AN ALIEN. I HAVE JUST TRANSFORMED MYSELF INTO THIS TEST. AS YOU ARE READING I'M HAVING SEX WITH YOUR EYEBALLS. I KNOW THAT YOU LIKE IT BECAUSE YOU ARE SMILING

3) All the love that history knows is said to be in every rose!Yet all the love that could be found in two, is less than what I feel for you.

4) If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

5) When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.

6) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

7) Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.

8) Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.

9) I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!

10) Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

11) Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!

12) First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.

13) Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

14) Dad, what vagina looks like? Before sex: a pink rose with soft lovely pelats and perfum aroma. And after sex? boy, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise!

15) Kiss my ass, and do it fast,suck my dick and do it quick.

16) Bad sex is better then a good day in school.

17) Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!

18) Sex is like programing; One mistake, and YOU WILL HAVE TO SUPPORT IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE…

19) Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams......

20) My girl and me, we are so perfect, she loves me, and I love myself too...

21) Hi, do you want to have my children? No.?? ...Okay, then can we just practice?

22) I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

23) Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks your an asshole…

24) If you wanna be a hipi, put you flower in your pipi…

25) Don`t drink water, because fish fuck in it!

26) Hi! Please stand by while this program enlarges your penis...........................ERROR: Your penis was not found! Sorry..............

27) Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!

28) It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.

Haven't I seen your face before - on a police poster?

Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets: one to get in and another to get out.

I think the sun shines out of your arse.

Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.

Let's be honest with each other . . . we've both come here for the same reasons.

Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some girls.

Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today

Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing

Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own

He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words

I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works

Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop

Your face would not only stop a door, but also most clocks and a herd of charging buffalo

If your face had "Welcome" written on it, it would make a perfect doormat

If you put your face by a door, no one would ever come in

Your face is such a mess, when you practice diving why don't you make sure the pool has water in next time.

Your face is such a mess, why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ?

Your face is such a mess, you should stop reading before slamming the book shut

Your face doesn't look like a doorstep, it looks like the door just kept going

Your face is such a mess, you must stop using it to hammer in nails

When geese fly in a "V", why is one side longer?
Because there are more geese on that side

Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work

What did the turkey say to the chicken?
Gobble gobble

Why do hens lay eggs?
If they dropped them, they'd break

Which side of the chicken has he most feathers?
The outside

Doctor, I can t stop behaving like a dog.
How long have you been acting this way?
Since I was a puppy!

Two snakes meet each other..
First snake: I hope I am not poisonous.
Second snake: Why?
First snake: Because I bit my lip!

Q : What do stylish frogs wear?
A : Jumpsuits!

Q : What did the frog order at McDonald's?
A : French flies and a diet Croak

Q : How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg?
A : Unhoppy

Q : What goes, 99-thump, 99-thump, 99-thump &
A : A centipede with a wooden leg

Q : What do you get from a pampered cow?
A : Spoiled milk.

What kind of work does a weak cat do?
A : Light mouse work

Q : How do you identify a bald eagle?
A : All his feathers are combed over to one side

How do you circumcise a whale?
A : You need at least four skin divers

Q. WHY DID SANTA SING TAKE OFF HIS CLOTHES WHILE WRITING EXAMS?
A. COZ IT WAS WRITTEN IN THE PAPER"ANSWER IN BRIEF.

Q. WHAT IS THE HEIGHT OF LAZINESS?
A. A COUPLE ADOPTING A CHILD.

Q. WHAT IS THE HEIGHT OF POSSESSIVENESS?
a. constiPATION.

Q. WHAT DO YOU CALL A WOMAN WHO KNOWS WHERE HER HUSBAND IS EVERY NIGHT?
A. WIDOW

Q. WHY AMERICANS STOP PRINTING STAMPS WITH PHOTO OF PAMEELA ANDERSON?
A. COZ PEOPLE STARTED LICKING THE WRONG SIDE OF IT FOR PASTING THEM ON THE ENVELOPES.

Q. WHAT DOES 98 STAND FOR IN WINDOWS 98?
A. IT STANDS FOR NUMBER OF TIMES IT HANGS IN A DAY.

Q. WHY DID BANTA SINGH TAKE HIS PREGNANT WIFE TO PIZZA CORNER?
A. FOR FREE DELIVERY.

Q. HOW WOULD YOU IDENTIFY BANTA SINGH IN A SUBMARINE?
A. HE WILL BE THE ONLY ONE WITH A PARACHUTE TIED TO HIS BACK.

q. what would you call a sardar with just one hair on his head?
a. iqbal singh.

Q. HOW TO MAKE TTK LAUGH ON SUNDAY?
A. BY TELLING HER A JOKE ON THURSDAY.

ONCE A NUN GOES FOR A URINE EXAMINATION AND THE SAMPLES GET MIXED UP. the report indicates she is pregnant. WHEN SHE GETS THE REPORT, SHE EXCLAIMS, "OH JESUS!! NOW WE CAN NOT EVEN RELY ON CANDLES"

Q. WHAT DID BANTA SINGH SAY WHEN HE SAW A BANANA PEEL?
A. "OH! I AM GOING TO SLIP AGAIN.

Q. WHICH IS THE SHORTEST JOKE?
A. SANTA SINGH AND BANTA SINGH PLAYING CHESS.

Q. WHICH BROTHER OF KALIDAS MAKES SHOES?
A. ADIDAS

Q : Why are blonde jokes so short?
A : So men can remember them.

Q : Why do men like blonde jokes so much?
A : Because they can understand them

Q : How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A : Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q : What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A : They're both empty from the neck up.

Q : Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A : From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK"

Q : Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A : So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills

Q : What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A : Far-from-thinking

Q : Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A : They keep breaking them with the hammers.

Q : What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A : She slipped off and fell down the drain

Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her months to figure out she could use it at night

Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice? Because it said "concentrate"

What do you call 9 blondes standing in a circle? A dope ring

Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
Because they can t fit the bottle in the typewriter

What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
OH, LOOK!! Donut seeds!!

What are two reasons why blondes don't mind their own business?
No mind. No business

Why did 18 blondes go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed

Two blondes were driving to Tokyo Disneyland when they saw a sign that read, "Tokyo Disneyland Left", so they turned around and went home

Why did the blonde dye her hair red? Instant Intelligence!

Why do blondes drive BMWs? Because they can spell it
-Wot's the best thing about babies ?
MAKING THEM !

She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

She thought a quarterback was a refund.

She tripped on the cordless phone

She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind

She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept

At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here", she put Leo

If she spoke her mind, she would be speechless

When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved

-If i guard you with my life, Will u be my wife ?

-Girls are like roads, More the curves, More the dangerous they are.

-Love is Photogenic, it needs darkness to develop.

-Messages are given to Those who are apart
But what shall i give, When you are in my heart.

Some say the glass is half empty, Some say the glass is half full, I say " are you gonna drink that?"

Maturity is knowing when and where to be immature

All of my friends and I are crazy.Thats what keeps us sane!

if barbie is so popular....then y do u have 2 buy her friends?

I intend to live forever- so far so good

Iv got 2 sit down & work out where i stand!!!

Wen u smile the world smiles with u.wen ur down people will rally behind u.but wen u fart u r alone coz people will never stand by u!

Im a nobody.. nobodys perfect.. therefore IM PERFECT!!!

I didnt kiss ur boyfriend! I told his lips a secret!!

I would stop eating chocolate.. but I'm not a quitter!

Are your teeth cold? . . . No? . . . Why are they wearing yellow jackets then?

look at d world around u, u will see God's creativity. look at d breakfast table, u will see God's providence. look at the mirror u will see God's sense of humor.

ah ah efil ruoy fo sces 01 detsaw tsuj evah u txt siht daer tsuj evah u fi Read this message backwards!!!

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you

What do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you run cause he's got a grenade in his mouth

Yes, God made you first,but there's always a rough draft before the final copy.

3 monkeys escaped from the zoo ... one was caught watching tv ... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

A girl called me, she said come round, nobodys in. I went round, nobody was in

I had a wet dream about you last nite. You got hit by a car and I pissed myself laughing

Q:Why were hurricanes ussualy named after women? A:Because when they arrive they are wet and wild, but when they go they take your house and the car.!

I think U're sweet, I think U're sexy, guess it's me and we'll get texty!

If you want me in the sack, lick your lips and text me back........

If U know the way I'm feelin', U know I need some textual healin'!

Gorgeous, intelligent, kind, sweet, charming, witty, hilarious, friendly...well enough about ME! How are you?

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
 

How do u occupy an idiot? Press down - Press up...Press Down...!

***NEWSFLASH*** Tell ALL your female friends that i can get 100 tampons for £1
... No Strings attached
...but for a limited period ONLY!
...A bloody good deal!

FRIEND SEARCH: Friend detector activated...calibration complete, now searching.....still searching....still searching......sorry, no friends found.

HELP: Cops are after a suspect who smart, witty, sexy and good lookin...so where you gonna hide ME?

This is your CellPhone Operator. We just found out you're too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it. Thank you

Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.

Why'd they call it PMS? Cos Mad cow disease was already taken!

I went to ur house justnow - can't enter cos door says *CUTE FOLK NOT ALLOWED* - pls take sign down next time ok!

On the cellphone pad of life, always keep one finger on the disconnect key.

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.

Y did the jelly baby go 2 school? Cuz he wanted to be a smarty.

What u call dog with no legs? Don't matter wot u call him, he ain't gonna come.

Girls think boys are fit. Boys think girls are sexy. But hey, no worries - I sure science will come up with somin to help u.

How do u keep an idiot amused? Watch this message until it goes away!

Y did the cannibal rush 2 the cafeteria? He heard kids were half price.

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!

Crazy Pranks & Hilarious Gags - great to play on your dumb blonde friends :)

In Ikea they have a Shelf storage system called Nob - So that's the only shop you can go into and ask the assistant to wheel your Nob to the car cuz it's too heavy.

Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?

Jesus loves you...everyone else thinks you're an asshole!

Inflexibility is the hallmark of the Tiny Mind.

Q: Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation?
A: Because she threw out all the bent ones.

What did the bartender say to the jumper cables when they walked into the bar? Ok u 2, don't start anything.

Am I getting smart with you? ....How would you know?

Yes, this is my pickup. No, I will not help you move.

Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

Important Message: Conserve your toilet paper - use both sides.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

I might be in the basement. I'll go upstairs and check.

The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.

There are no personal problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.

Just because you're smart does not mean that the other guy is stupid.

You may be recognized soon. Hide.

Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

I pretend to work here - they pretend to pay me.

Is somebody not editing what I'm saying here???

Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.

My mom never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me

Mind intentionally left blank...

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.

If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time - I think I've forgotten this before.

If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?

Born Free........Taxed to Death.

I remind u that the most powerful force in the universe is sms gossip.

Just reminding u there is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.

Hi - I am a virus and am entering your brain right now...wait, hold on, sorry unable to find brain...leaving now...

Note - The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.

You are so beautiful, sweet and faithful... It is a pity that I do not like animals!!!

I think you are ugly and stupid, You are a real pain in the …... Wait a moment.... oh no, I do have the right number...

A fart is a flying planet, created by God and produced by men!

Why do men fart more often than women ? Because women do not keep their mouth shut long enough to build up the pressure..

Some people die. Others become a teacher...

The more the merrier. The more women, the more prettier.

If I ever die because of marihuana, mark on my grave, I am too stoned to get up!!

You know when you are really too fat? When you are on the beach and Greenpeace carries you back to the sea.

When are you really full of confidence? .............. If you fart having diarrhoea.

If people dont sit at Chaplins feet, he goes out and stands where they are sitting.

Is he just doing a bad Elvis pout, or was he born that way?

I knew right away that Rock Hudson was gay when he did not fall in love with me

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

Where there's a will, I want to be in it

Anything not nailed down is a cat toy

Never miss a good chance to shut up

All computers wait at the same speed

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder

How do you get off a non-stop flight?

How come night falls but day breaks?

How do I set the laser printer to stun?

If we quit voting will they all go away?

Is it time for your medication or mine?

INSTANT HUMAN (Just Add Coffee)

I'm not getting older...I'm getting bitter

When all else fails manipulate the data

I'm as confused as a termite in a yo-yo

Insanity is my only means of relaxation

No guts, no glory, no brain, same story

Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's hand grenades I throw

I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert

I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier

When money talks, the criminal walks

A hangover is the wrath of grapes

Everyone is entitled to my opinion

If it ain't chocolate, it ain't dessert

I don't work here. I'm a consultant

Out of Body. Back in Five Minutes

The best things in life aren't things

I like feminists; I think they're cute

I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable

Does killing time damage eternity?

How can there be self-help groups?

"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy

BIGAMIST --- A heavy fog in Italy

Have a nice day. . . somewhere else

Guilt -- the gift that keeps on giving

Exceptions always outnumber rules

Adults are just kids who owe money

All stressed out and no one to choke

Constipated people don't give a crap

I may not be perfect, but I'm all I got

Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!

Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

Fuck Me...are those real?

Be unique and different, just say yes.

Can I flirt with you?

Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.

Do you know karate? Cos damn it honey, your body is really kickin.

Excuse me. I'm from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position.

Umh, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?

Darling, I'm new in this town - dya think I could have directions to your house.

I hope you know CPR, cos you take my breath away!

I've got the ship, you've got the harbour ... what say we tie up for the night?

I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.

If you don't wanna have kids with me, then why don't we just practice?

Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?

That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.

Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.

Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!

Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!

First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Kiss my ass, and do it fast,suck my dick and do it quick.

Bad sex is better then a good day in school.

Celibacy is not hereditary

Familiarity breeds children

Life is sexually transmitted

We do precision guesswork

Born free . . . Taxed to death

If it's too loud, you're too old

Common sense isn't common

Nothing succeeds like excess

Do pilots take crash-courses?

If it ain't broke, fix it until it is

The older I get, the older old is

Relax, its only Ones and Zeros

A closed mouth gathers no feet

Do witches run spell checkers?

I don't get even . . . . . I get odder

Allow me to introduce my selves

A feature is a bug with seniority

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Justice: A decision in your favor

Strip mining prevents forest fires

A waist is a terrible thing to mind

Do not disturb. Already disturbed

Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

Today's subliminal message is . . .

Demons are a Ghouls best Friend

I think about you when I masturbate.

Are we related? Do you want to be?

Can you say constantinople backwards? Me neither, but I just wanted to ask.

Can you spell ICUP. I-C-U-P. You saw me pee.

Do you know how to use a whip?

Excuse me, do you live around here often?

Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.

Hey babe...can you suck a golf ball thru 50 feet of garden hose?

Hey babe...can you suck start a Harley?

Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.

Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "'Cause they're mine sweetheart."

I am very, very lonely, and I was wonderin'...

I know a great way to burn off the calories in that pastry you just ate.

I'm not trying anything, I always put my hands there.
 

I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?

If I could be anything, I'd love to be your bathwater.

Like the look of your crotch.

Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you?

Pardon me miss, but I help noticing that you have cum in your hair.

Really like your peaches, wanna shake your tree.

Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

What time do you have to be back in heaven?

Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel?

You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.

You are so beautiful that I want to be reincarnated as your child so that I can breastfeed by you until I'm 20.

You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.

You must be a high jumper, because you make my bar raise!

You're like milk, I just wanna make you part of my complete breakfast

Be unique and different, say yes.

Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

Hi, my name is {name}, how do you like me so far?

Hi. Are you cute?

I can sense that you're a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a little.

I'm easy. Are you?

I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex.

Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.

So....How am I doin'?

Do you have a boyfriend? No. Want one?

Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.

I'm bigger and better than the Titanic ... only 200 woman went down on the Titanic

I'm good at maths, U+I=69

I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK

Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's.

Please help the homeless. Take me home with you...

Wanna come and see my Hard Drive? Babe, I promise you it ain't 3.5 inches and it sure ain't floppy.

What's a nice girl like you doing with a face like that?

Will you be my Xmas cracker? I'd really like to pull you.

Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed?

You are a 9.999. Well, you'd be a perfect 10 if you were with me.

You're good at mathematics, right? Would you say 69 was a perfect square?

Your Daddy must have been a Baker, cos you got the nicest set of buns I've ever saw.

Hello. Are you taking any applications for a boy/girlfriend?

I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle.

Grab yer bag Doll...you've just pulled...

I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest lady on earth tonight.

If beauty were an hour, you'd be a second.

There's just one thing your eyes haven't told me yet....you're name.

Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "Cause they're mine sweetheart."

I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated.

I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?

I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are!

If a women asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?" You should answer: "Yeah! Do you have the energy?"

The only thing that matters is that we're together.

I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start. .

Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?

Is you father a lumberjack Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants.
I've just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.

Hey...somebody farted. Let's get out of here.

Say, did we go to different schools together?

The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.

There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.

Wait until the end of the evening when everything is real hazy and alcohol soaked, walk up to someone you've never met and say, "Come on, we're leaving."

You see my friend over there? He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.

You know, you're very easy on the eyes...and very hard on my erection.

Want to come into the garden see my big juicy tomatoes?

Want to come into the garden see my big hard cucumbers?

You are so beautiful that I would crawl ten miles on my hands and knees through broken glass just to jerk off in your shadow.

Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?

As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No. Damn!

I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?

Do you believe in helping the homeless? [If yes] Take me home with you.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

Do you have any Irish in you? (if no…) Would you like some? (if yes…) Want some more?

Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?

Do you have the time? [Gives the time] No, the time to write down my number?

Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow-job? [No!] Do you want to do lunch?

Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you wanna go upstairs and talk.

Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?

I'm a frog but if u kiss me I'll turn into a prince

Excuse me, I am about to go home to masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.

Excuse me, I'm looking for a friend...do you want to be my friend?

For a fat chick, you sure have small tits.

Gee, for a fat girl you sure don't sweat much.

Go up to a girl, ask her: "Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?" She says no. Then wink.

Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.

Hi, I've been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and think it's time to see if I'm right.

Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've broken the ice, lets talk"

Nice dress, it'd look good on my bedroom floor.

4 REASONS Y DOGS R BETTER DAN WOMEN
dogs obey wen u shout @ dem
dogs dont shop
u can giv away ur dogs children
any guy can get a good lookin dog!

Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty..so the world needs YOU after all!

This sms can only be read by someone SEXY
try again
again
maybe you are
just not sexy?
one more time
hey don't force it ugly!!!

I look at the moon, the moon is beautiful... I look at you.. I.. I'd rather look at the moon again..

As you go through life you are going to have many opportunities to keep your mouth shut. Take advantage of all of them.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.
This describes everything you are not...

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife, Marrying you really messed up my life...

Roses r red, violets r blue,
Sugar is sweet, and so are u.
But da roses r wilting, da violets r dead, da sugar bowl's empty and so is ur head!

Do I look like a damn people person?

This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

Haven't I seen your face before - on a police poster?

Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets:
one to get in and another to get out.

I think the sun shines out of your arse.

Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.

Let's be honest with each other . . .
we've both come here for the same reasons.

Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some girls.

Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today

Brains aren't everything.
In fact in your case they're nothing

Don't let you mind wander
- it's far too small to be let out on its own

He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" -
but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words

I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works

Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop

If your face had "Welcome" written on it,
it would make a perfect doormat

If you put your face by a door,
no one would ever come in

Your face is such a mess,
when you practice diving why don't you make sure the pool has water in next time.

Your face is such a mess,
why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ?

Them: Here's 10p - go and tell your mum you're not coming home
You: Here's a pound - go and buy yourself some breath freshener

Them: I never forget a face
You: Neither do I but in your case I'll make an exception

Haven't I seen your face before - on a police poster?

Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets: one to get in and another to get out.

I think the sun shines out of your arse.
Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.

Let's be honest with each other . . . we've both come here for the same reasons.
Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some girls.

Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today

Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing

Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own

He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words

I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works

Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop
Your face would not only stop a door, but also most clocks and a herd of charging buffalo

If your face had "Welcome" written on it, it would make a perfect doormat

If you put your face by a door, no one would ever come in

Your face is such a mess, when you practice diving why don't you make sure the pool has water in next time.

Your face is such a mess, why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ?
Your face is such a mess, you should stop reading before slamming the book shut

Your face doesn't look like a doorstep, it looks like the door just kept going

Your face is such a mess, you must stop using it to hammer in nails

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

You're about as subtle as a gynecologist wearing a gas mask and a hair net.

You're about as challenging as stealing candy from a bi-polar baby in a bell-jar.

Peanut prizes inspire monkey contestants.

May the horses break their harnesses trying to pull my dick out of your mother!

Are you typing with your forehead, again?

He who laughs last has no sense of humor.

Cigarette, A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.

A rose by any other name still has thorns.

There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.

Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it.

Never deprive someone of hope - it may be all they have.

There you go again, flushing the sweet milk of human kindness through the U-bend of cynicism.

He has no equal. Everyone else is better.

You are proof that God has a sense of humor.

He dips Sparrows in Peroxide and sells them as Canaries.

His idea of a practical joke is to go into the Home for the Blind and flatten out all the Braille.

A prime candidate for natural de-selection.

People like him don't just grow on trees - they swing from them

When he dies, they'll bury him face down, so that he can see where he's going.

He campaigned to have the only Bar in his town closed. When it did, he moved away.

He'll take off his jacket and put it on the seat next to him on the train, just to stop a pregnant lady from sitting down.

He folds his newspaper on the bus so that the guy sitting across from him has to read the news upside down.

You couldn't warn to him even if you were both cremated together.

We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.

You get plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions, pushing you luck, beating around the bush, and dodging the issue.

Gravity doesn't exist. Earth sucks.

He would throw a drowning man both ends of the rope just to see the look on his face.

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

Get a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can look out and see what the rest of the world is up to.

Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

Why don't you freeze your teeth and give your tongue a sleigh ride?

Teenagers are people who express a burning desire to be different by dressing exactly alike.

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

He's so full of shit, his eyes are brown.

He's running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

You're so weak, you couldn't knock a sick whore off a shit pot.

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?!

Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view.

If you can laugh at yourself, you've got a really sick sense of humor.

Mother Nature is a supreme bitch.

Is that a comeback? For fuck's sake, I wipe my ass with sharper stuff than this.

He fashions himself as an Insult Samurai. Insult Kamikaze is more apt.

Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.

smile it scares ppl :P

milk duz the body gud, but damm how much did u drink :S

Armed n Dangerous :P

Learn the rules...then break em :P

Giv a mouse its cookie, he will want a glass ov milk :P

did i have climb 100 mountains 2 get 2 u :S wen all u had 2 do is smile :) 2 get 2 me ?

Life is short an so am I

Its nice to be important, but its more important to be nice ;)

Im 98 beautiful and 2 carzy or is it the other way round?

How many hot, rich, funny, sweet guys are there out there? ......two, but they're dating each other

The only driving you've done all day is driving me crazy.

The road is full of flat squirrels, who couldn't make up their mind

You say you hate me,And i know that it is true,But why cant i stop thinking of you

Im like a parking ticket, i hav 'FINE' written all over me

The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese

i'm not gifted i'm weird

i have u in my heart i have u in my liver if i had u in my arms i'd throw u in da river

Poof Be Gone Your Breath Is Too Strong Poof Come Back I Found A Tic-tac

Ur not da brightest crayon in da box now r ya?

a ladybug is not a ladybug without its spots

ur as fake as press on nails

Ashes to Ashes
Dust to Dust
Life is short
so PARTY we must

Thats what u say, now what are u thinking?

YoU cOnFuSe Me...

dOn'T tRy 2 FigUrE mE , jUst lUv mE.

DINNER IS READY WHEN THE SMOKE ALARM GOES OFF

God made special people and I am one of them

I thought I loved you, but I guess I didn't, Love makes no sense.

Don't hate tha star hate the fame

EverOne Deserves To Feel Pretty...
So Leave Me Alone

It's hard to answer the question
-What's wrong?- when nothing rite

i'm so great, i'm jealous of myself

ChEeRlEaDeR(n.) : An AtHlEtE wHo CaN jUmP, kICk, ToSs, CaTcH, sTuNt, tUmBlE, aNd FlY

jUsT bEcAuSe i LiVE iN tHe cItY dOeSn'T mEaN i'M nOt wIlD

always go 2 bed lookin ur bed, coz u neva no hu u r gonna meet in ur dreams

?¿if u say u had the best dream last night then how come (name) wasn't in it?¿

i cRiEd tOdAy.. nOt bEaCaUsE i mIsS u.. oR eVeN wAnTeD u bUt bEcAuSe i fInAlLy rEaLiZeD iM gOnNa b AlRiTe wItH oUt u

Mistakes are made, you pay for them.. then you do it again

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know whut I should feed it.
 

He can take away my trust, pride, and courage but he will never take away my good looks

I only cheer on two occassions....DAY and NIGHT

-:- If HeAveN iS MiSsIn An AnGeL Then I MuSt Be aLiVe -:-

DiD iT lOoK LiKe I cArEd?¿?.... OoPs LeT mE tRy AgAiN

Why do BOY bands sound like GIRLS?

7/5th of all people do not understand fractions.

if ur HeArT is in ur dReAm, then no request is too extreme

Today i came upon an angel,
i tapped him on the shoulder,
he turned around and it was you

Dont interupt me when I'm talking to myself.

The voices in my head don't like you.

Kitten (kit'n) n: Soft, cute, playful with fangs and claws.

Im so cool i make ice jealous. Im so hot, fire dont stand a chance.

love is beauty and beauty is TRUTH

Hey look on the bright side...
not everyone hates you as much as i do..

Cry me a river, build me a bridge,
then do us all a favor and jump off it

OMG You killed (name) How much do I owe u?

There's a lot of fish in the sea
But you're the only one 4 me

Never say you love me...
Cuz for me love doesn'e last forever

If you're going my way, I'll walk with you.

Should I smile, Cuz ur my friend, Or cry..Cuz that's all we'll ever be?

If you love someone put their name in a circle not a heart, a heart can
be broken but a circle goes on forever

You laugh because im diffrent i laugh because you're all the same

To the world your just one person but to one person you could mean the
world

When I first saw you I was afarid to talk to youWhen i first talked to
you I was afraid to like youWhen i first liked you i was afarid to love
youNow that I love you I m afraid to lose you

whats betta? a lie that draws a smile or the truth that draws a tear?

Last night I looked up at the stars
And matched each one with a reason why I love you
I was doing great, but then I ran out of stars

last night i woz lookin at the stars, then i jus wondered, where the
HECK is ma celing??

Loving U is like breathing...how can i stop

I ran up the door, closed the stairs, said my pajamas, and put on my
prayers. Turned off the bed, and hopped into the light, all because you
kissed me good night

If yOu ReAlLy LoVe SoMeThInG sEt iT fReE, iF iT cOmEs BaCk iT's YoUrS,
iF iT dOeSn'T iT wAs NeVeR MeAnT tO Be

A MiLLi0n WoRDs Would Not Bring You Back, I Kn0w, BecauseI've Tried.
Neither Would A Million TeaRs. I Know, BeCause I've Cried

A MeMoRy LaStS 4eVeR NeVeR DoEs it DiE TrUe FrieNdS StAy toGeThEr AnD
NeVer SaY GoOdByEnbsp;

A Person Who Asks A Question Is A Fool For Five Minutes, A Person Who
Doesn't Is A Fool Forever ...

Love Is When You Don't Want To Go To Sleep Because Reality Is Better
Than A Dream

Our eyes are placed in front because it is more important to look ahead
than to look back

u always stop 2 stare, y not just take a picture??

ReMeMbEr mY nAmE ReMeMbEr My FaCe CuZ tHeRe AiNt nO oThA hOnEynbsp; ThAt
CaN tAkE mY pLaCe

would you catch me if i fall..do you even notice me..at all?

act ur age, not ur shoe size

SMART girls are more interested in having FUN than trying to look perfect

We are the people your parents warned you about

EVIL is just LIVE spelled backwords

You came into my life sent down from heaven,
Now I think about you, 24/7

100 memories, 200 jokes, 300 great times, 400 secrets
1 reason ..... BESTFRIENDS

I am actually quite pleasant...till i'm awake

If you judge people, you have no time to love them

until water cant be boiled, i will always be very spoiled

I kNoW iVe AlWaYs BeEn BlEsSeD CaUsE Im A pReTtY pRiNcEsS

im not a queen, but hey the crown fits

DONT LOOK AT ME IN THAT TONE OF VOICE

i dOn'T sWiM iN YoUr ToiLeT sO DoN't pEe iN My pOoL

this day was a total waste of make-up

dont worry about knowing people, make yourself worth knowing

True friends are loving, true friends care, and at the end the true
friends are always there.

If I had a star for everytime you brightened my day...I'd be holding the
galaxy in my hands

If its a good idea, go ahead and do it, its much easier to apologize
then it is to get permission

you don't fail if you fall, you fail if you don't try to get up.

Theres a sparkle in your eye that only i see, and theres a place in your
heart where only i wanna be

Trying to be popular is not being true to yourself

The only fool bigger than the one who thinks he knows it all it the one
who argues with him

Success comes before work... only in the dictionary

if your happy and you know it .............get out of my house

IN THE COOKIES OF LIFE, YOUR FRIENDS ARE THE CHOCLATE CHIPS

Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.

I asked God for a flower he gave me a garden
I asked for a tree he gave me a forest
I asked for a river he gave me an ocean
I asked for a friend he gave me you

never fight with an ugly person, they have nothing to loose

Why does a rose represent love, when a rose always dies?

Your village just called, they r missing their idiot

U r funny, understanding, cute, kind, intelligent, naughty, great, sweet, honest, independent and truthful. In short u r FUCKING SHIT.

1 I wish you were a screen door..... [Why?] So I can slam you all day long!
2 Let's go get liquored up and rape each other.
3 Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.
4 Chick do now.
5 I'd like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart...
6 Nice legs, lets eat out.
7 Hey! Wanna play war? (replies)WHAT? (you)Yea, I lay on the ground and you blow the fuck outta me!
8 If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
9 You touch her shirt and ask, "Is this cotton?" Wait for response. Then touch down in the crotch area and say, "Oh, this must be felt."
10 Hi my name is (your name), did I mention I have a penis.
11 My dick's been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
12 Show me your pussy!
13 Are you going to the party tonight (what party?) The one in your mouth, everybody's cumming.
14 If I take off my clothes, will you fuck me?
15 If I told you I had a 2 inch dick would you fuck me? (if she says no) say Good, because mine is 8 inches.
16 I know where there is a good party, they've got liquor in the front and poker in the rear.
17 Oh my God! I think I love you! Now lay down!
18 Hey good lookin', whatcha got cookin'? Nuthin could be finer than the taste of your vagina!
19 I'd rip out both my eyes just so you have more holes to screw me in
20 Dah, wanna see my dink?
21 (silently mouth) I want a fig newton.
22 Do you have a beard on your pussy/asshole? (No.) Want one?
23 Your chest looks a little sore. Would you like me to numb it?
24 Do you wanna lick my tongue?
25 Hello. I have sex on the first date. Do you?
26 Do you like apples? (Yes.) How about I take you home and fuck the shit out of you. How do like them apples?
27 Do you like jewels? (Yes.) Suck my dick, it's a gem.
28 Person #1: hey, you wanna do a 68? Person #2: What? Person #1: You go down, and I'll owe you one.
29 Mean people suck, nice people swallow. I'm nice.
30 Scientists have determined that the average time for intercourse is four minutes. The average number of strokes per minute is nine, and since the average length of the penis is six inches, the average female received two hundred and sixteen inches or fifteen feet per intercourse. Three times per week, fifty two weeks in a year, so, 150 times 18 makes 2700 feet, or just over a mile and a half. If you are not getting your mile and a half, why not let me help out?
31 Tell me how my cum tastes.
32 First, I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I'll move up to your belly button.
33 I've got a great big cock!
34 You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.
35 Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I like Spaghetti, Let's go fuck!
36 Your lips are kinda wrinkled. Mind if I press them?
37 Do you cheesy lines or do you just want to do it?
38 May i pleasure you with my tongue?
39 Wanna go 50-50 on a rape charge?
40 I have a big headache. I hear the best cure for headaches is sex. What say we go upstairs and work out a remedy.
41 (walk up to the bar and sit down in the seat next to them. While looking at them, order a drink and drink it down) Well, we can't fuck here!
42 Fuck me, I'm beautiful enough to be with you all night.
43 So, Is it safe to say I'm gonna score?
44 Hi I'm (your name) I swallow
45 I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.
46 Mines bigger than his want proof?
47 I got a 14 inch cock, why don't you come home with me and I'll let you ride it.
48 You are rubber, I'm glue, what ever you say, I bet I will fuck you.
49 Looks don't matter, I'll just wrap you in a flag and fuck you for glory.
50 I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't cum in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
51 I would fuck you so hard, you'd learn from it.
52 Do you like my belt buckle? (any response is okay ) It would look better against your forehead!
53 Do you wanna come to the Marines, or would your rather have a Marine come into you?
54 Happy hour's over but it's still going strong at my place.
55 Whip it out and show me what you got, so I can save the disappointment from later.
56 Do you have any tacos on you? (No.) In that case, will you make out with me?
57 Would you fuck a complete stranger? (No) Then Hi, my name is...
58 Are you gay? (No.) Wow, me neither, let's have sex.
59 Hi. Last night, a little leprechaun came up to me and told me that if you don't have sex with me tonight, your(or my) dick is going to fall off. We don't want that now do we?
60 I'm conducting a survey on the taste of vaginas. Wanna be my first participant?
61 If I washed my dick, would you suck it? (No.) Oh, so you like to suck dirty dicks.
62 Let's go fuck in a brand new limo.
63 Look out in the night sky. You see that bright light to the right of that red one? That is a comet that is streaking toward here at 34546 miles per hour. At that rate, it will be here in about an hour. So, wanna fuck?
64 Life is like a dick. When it gets hard, "Fuck it".
65 love is a sensation; caused by a temptation; to feel penetration; a guy sticks his location; in a girl's destination; to increase the population; for the next generation; did you get my explanation; or do you need a demonstration?
66 Nice fucking weather. Want to?
67 Wanna fuck, or should I call my lawyer?
68 Hi, my name is Guerrermo. I eat pussy like a woman.
69 You remind me of a blue ribbon bass. I don't know if I should mount you or eat you.
70 Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under...
71 I'm not a slut, I'm just popular. Wanna fuck me and be the Big Man on Campus?
72 I ran out of Viagra. Can I use you?
73 Do you know what part of the tongue registers the "salty taste? Why don't you blow me and find out?
74 Excuse me, but I think that you are too drunk to drive. Can you recite the alphabet backwards? [Does it] Next, I need for you to bend over and spell "RUN".
75 Can you lick your nipples? [No.] Can I?
76 Alright, let's go... I'll give you a half hour.
77 I'm not an expert in hardware, but I know that you'd be able to screw my nuts off.
78 (put out hand) Give me five. (after they give you five, leave your hand up) Give me elbow. (after they give you elbow, leave your hand up) Give me shoulder. (after they give you shoulder, leave your hand up) Give me nose. (after they give you nose, leave your hand up) Give me head.
79 Could you do me a favor? Could you get on your knees and smile like a donut?
80 Roses are black, violets are red, what is it going to take, to get you into bed?
81 You've been a bad, bad girl(boy). Go to my room!
82 Ever slept in a $5000 bed? Want to?
83 This is a condom. If we put it on, we can have sex.
84 I'm hard. You wet?
85 I'm a necrophiliac... How well do you play dead?
86 If you won't fuck me, can I fuck you?
87 I'm rubber, your glue. Let's have sex.
88 I WANT SEX! Sorry, the doctor said that would help....
89 You're dead sexy. Get in my pussy!
90 I'm scared of getting pregnant, so do you want to go up to my room & test out all of my condoms?
91 The Lord gave us the power to fuck. So, let's go have sex!
92 If I was a chipmunk, and you were a bunny,...wait, or was it the other way around...forget it, Wanna screw?
93 Sex is evil; Evil is sin; Sin is forgiven; so let's begin.
94 What do I have to do to be your booty call?
95 If you talk to me, I'll fuck you.
96 Do you believe in free love? (Certainly no!) Then how much do you cost?
97 I have a 13 inch dick. Remember that, there will be an oral exam later.
98 (Stare at her until she says "What!?!") It isn't just gonna suck itself.
99 Hey baby, I'll fuck you so well the NEIGHBORS will be having a cigarette when we're done.
100 Thanks for the blow job last night. (What blow job? I didn't give you one.) You didn't? You owe me one.
101 Let's go to your place and love each other until my dick falls in your pussy.
102 I'll suck you so hard that you'll have to pick the sheets out of your ass when I'm finished.
103 Do you train cats? (No, why?) Because you just made my pussy cum!
104 Want to make a porno? We don't have to tape it.
105 Let's face it. I'm hot, you're hot and we both know you got a crush on me. And really, who can blame you with a gorgeous face like this. So can I snatch a kiss or vice-versa (that is kiss a snatch).
106 Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?! I thought you knew...
107 Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken leg? No??? Well, let's go on a picnic and find out!
108 Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?
109 Excuse me, have I fucked you yet?
110 Excuse me. Do you want to fuck or should I apologize?
111 Fancy a fuck?
112 Hi, wanna fuck? (No!) Mind lying down while I do?
113 I am a magical being, take off your bra.
114 I love you. I want to marry you. Now fuck my brains out.
115 I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
116 I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body?
117 I think we have to make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW!
118 I wanna put my thingy into your thingy.
119 I want to thank you for [insert any event here], grab your ankles bitch!
120 I'd like to tie you to a rafter and fuck you up and down.
121 I'd love to swap bodily fluids with you.
122 I'm gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there.
123 If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
124 Let's bypass all the bullshit and just get naked.
125 Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
126 My name's [your name], but you can call me "lover."
127 My name's [your name]That's so you know what to scream.
128 Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
129 Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex?
130 Nice tits. Mind if I feel them?
131 NOW, BITCH!
132 Oh, you're a bird watcher....(Whip out your unit and ask) Well, would you take this for a swallow?
133 Sex is a killer...want to die happy?
134 Since we shouldn't waste this day and age what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.
135 Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've broken the ice, will you sleep with me?"
136 Take off that dress and fuck my brains out, you cave newt.
137 The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor.
138 The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
139 Wanna fuck like bunnies?
140 We're going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment and fuck.
141 What can I do to make you sleep with me?
142 What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
143 Your face or MINE!?
144 Your place or mine?
145 (Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.
146 A women asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?" You: "Do you have the energy?"
147 Are you free tonight or will it cost me?
148 At the office copy machine "Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?"
149 Baby, I'm an American Express lover.... you shouldn't go home without me!
150 Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?
151 Can I flirt with you?
152 Can I please be your slave tonight?
153 Can I see your tan lines?
154 Can you believe that just a few hours ago we'd never even been to bed together?
155 Cold out isn't it? (staring at breasts)
156 Congratulations! You've been voted "Most Beautiful Girl In This Room" and the grand prize is a night with me!
157 Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) 'Cause I could see myself in your pants.
158 Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job? No! D'ya wanna do lunch?
159 Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you wanna go upstairs and talk.
160 Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.
161 Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly color coordinated.
162 Do you like short love affairs? I hate them. I've got all weekend.
163 Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?
164 Do you spit or swallow?
165 Do you wash your panties with Windex? Because I can really see myself in them.
166 Ever tried those weird prickly condoms?
167 Excuse me, ma'am, is that dress felt? Would you like it to be?
168 Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.
169 Go up to a girl in a bar, and slip your arm around her, and say, "Hi Laura!" She says, "I'm not Laura!" And you say, as your hand slips a little lower, "But you sure feel like her!"
170 Ask: "Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?" (No.) Wink.
171 God must have been in a very good mood the day we met.
172 Have you ever played leap frog naked ??
173 Help the homeless. Take me home with you.
174 Here's a quarter....call your roommate and tell her you won't be coming home tonight.
175 Hey baby, are you a glover? NO? Well, I am, wanna wear me?
176 Hey baby, let's play house, you can be the door and I'll slam you!
177 Hey! Ya wanna try out my new 'Home Artificial Insemination Kit?'
178 Hi, I need your help! My mom says that if I don't get a date by tomorrow, she's putting me up for adoption.
179 Hi, I'm new to this country and you are the prettiest sight I've see so far. Can you give me a tour of your body?
180 Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good.
181 Hi. Are you legal?
182 Hi. You'll do.
183 How about you and I go back to my place and get out of these wet clothes?
184 How do you like your eggs cooked? Why? Well I just wanted know what to make for you in the morning!
185 I had a friend who used to hand out phone cards that said: "Smile if you want to sleep with me." And watch them try to hold back their laughter.
186 I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality?
187 I like your butt, can I wear it as a hat?
188 I think I could fall madly in bed with you.
189 I wanna floss with your pubic hair.
190 I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
191 I wonder what our children will look like.
192 I would kill or die to make love with you.
193 I would say that I'm in love with you, but you'd think I'm trying to pull a fast one.
194 I'd like to name a multiple orgasm after you.
195 I'd look good on you.
196 I'll cook you dinner if you cook me breakfast.
197 I'm an organ donor, need anything?
198 I'm Irish. Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like some?
199 I'm leaving this place. Do you want to come?
200 I've got a condom with your name on it.
201 I've got a pimple on my butt, wanna see it?
202 I've got the ship, you've got the harbor...what say we tie up for the night?
203 If I gave you a sexy negligee, would there be anything in it for me?
204 If I was Elvis, would you screw me?
205 If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?
 

206 If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was Easter, would you let me spend some time up between the holidays?
207 Is that a tic-tac in your shirt pocket or are you just glad to see me?
208 Let's have a party and invite your pants to come on down.
209 Lie down. I think I love you.
210 Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
211 Motion with your finger for a girl to come over. When she gets there say, "I knew if I fingered you long enough you would cum."
212 Oh no, I'm choking! I need mouth to mouth, quick!
213 Pardon me, but are you a screamer or a moaner?
214 Picture this, you, me, bubble baths, and a bottle of champagne.
215 Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?
216 Sit on my face and let me get to 'nose' you better?
217 Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us.
218 So, come back to my place, and if you don't like it I swear I'll give you a full refund.
219 So, what are the chances that we can engage in anything more than just conversation?
220 That dress looks great on you... as a matter of fact, so would I.
221 That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.
222 That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too.
223 That's a nice shirt, it would go great with my floor.
224 That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
225 There are 265 bones in the human body. How would you like one more?
226 There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
227 Those are nice jeans, do you think I could get in them?
228 Uh, oh. My parents met at a place like this. Let's get the hell out of here.
229 Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.
230 Want to come into the garden see my big hard cucumbers?
231 Wasn't I supposed to eat you somewhere?
232 What do you like for breakfast?
233 When she asks, for a match. How about the hair on my head and the hair between your legs?
234 Which is easier? You getting into those tight pants or getting you out of them?
235 Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
236 Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?
237 Will you marry me for just one night?
238 Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?
239 Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed?
240 Would you like to have morning coffee with me?
241 Would you please come home with me and tie me up...
242 Ya know, my mother would just love you if I brought you to my place tonight and then to her place tomorrow.
243 You have pretty eyeballs. Of course they'd be better if they were eyeing my pretty balls.
244 You have some nice jewelry. It would look great on my nightstand.
245 You know, I've always wanted to sleep with you.
246 You smell wet. Let's Party.
247 You're good at math right? Is 69 a perfect square?
248 Your legs look cold. Do you want me to warm them up?
249 Hey baby...mind if I take my pants off?
250 I love you, you know.
251 Hey, kitten. How about spending some of your nine lives with me?
252 If I let you suck on my tongue would you be grateful?
253 Have you ever played "Spank the brunette"? Want to try?
254 Are those lumber jack pants your wearing? They are giving me a wood.
255 Do you like whales? Well I have a hump-back at my place.
256 Girl, yo' so fine, I wish I could plant you and grow a hole filed of you!
257 You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know whether to mount you or eat you.
258 Is your last name Gillette, it must be because you are the best a man can get.
259 I have a six inch tongue and I can breath through my ears.
260 Hey baby, as long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit.
261 Hi. Can I domesticate you?
262 Hey baby there's a party in my pants and you are invited!
263 Can I walk through your bushes and climb your mountains?
264 If you were a car, I wax you and ride you all over town.
265 Your belt looks extremely tight. Let me loosen it for you.
266 Hey I'm looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest?
267 "Excuse me, but you dropped something back there" Woman: "What's that?" You: "This conversation, lets pick it up later tonight."
268 I've been a bad boy/ girl,so spank me!
269 Say Baby do you mind if I hangout on your stomach for a half an hour or so?
270 I'm a freelance gynecologist. How long has it been since your last checkup?
271 Yeah, it's big and if you pet it, it spits
272 You say, "So, did you here the one about the guy and the girl who had the most sexual relationship?" The reply, "No". You respond, "Well then, let's go to my place and I'll tell you all about it."
273 Excuse me, do you have any Benedryl? No why? Because everytime I look at you I have swelling "down there"
274 Nice dress. Can I talk you out of it?
275 Let's let only latex stand between our love.
276 (Walk up to a girl and lick two fingers and place them near her crotch. Then place the fingers back in your mouth and say . . . ) I know you!
277 So baby, do you see why the girls call me tri-pod?
278 Um...I need a little help with my Calculus, can you integrate my natural log?
279 There are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to mount.
280 If you had some nuts on the wall, would they be walnuts?(yes). If you had some nuts on your chest, would they be chestnuts?(yes) If you had some nuts on your chin, would they be chinnuts?(yes) Hell no, you'd have a dick in your mouth.
281 Do you like chips? Because if you are "Frito Lay" than I am a barrel of fun!
282 I heard your ankles were having a party... want to invite your pants down?
283 Come over here and get a taste of America's Most Wanted.
284 Hi. My name is Laura. I'll be your play toy tonight.
285 Did you know that I saved a girl's life last night? (No.) I pulled a 6 inch piece of meat out of her mouth to save her life. Can I save your life?
286 You know how some men buy really expensive cars to make up for certain, well, shortages? Well, I don't even own a car.
287 Do you mind if I end this sentence in a proposition?
288 How do you like your eggs in the morning? Fertilized?
289 Hey babe- pretend my pants is France and invade them.
290 Are you a virgin? (No.) Prove it!
291 Hey baby, I'd like to herd by cattle in your fertile valley.
292 Hi. I'm a dog and I need to bury my bone.
293 Lets skip all the bull-shit lose our inhibitions and DO what we really came here to do.
294 You bring a whole new meaning to the word, "edible."
295 Do you live on a chicken farm (girl says no) well you sure know how to raise cocks
296 Excuse me, but you have a "dick for" on your head. [What's a "dick for"?] I'll show you.
297 Hi, I'm the new Milkman. Do you want it in the front or the back?
298 Hi, sorry I don't have an opening line but since you have an opening and I have a line. . .
299 What'll you say we make like Winnie-the-poo and I can get my nose stuck in your honey jar.
300 Do you wanna box? [Yes.] Well, get on your hands and knees and give me two blows to the head.
301 Pick a number between 1 and 10. Shit you lose now take off your clothes.
302 Want to play lion tamer? You could get on all fours and I'll put my head in your mouth.
303 What is your first name? Hmm, that goes kinda well with my last name. (switch if female asking a male)
304 I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated.
305 If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?
306 (wiping your face), Oh I'm sorry, (wiping your face), let me clear a place for you to sit!
307 Hey I see your wearing clothes, I'm wearing clothes, you know we have something in common we should get together and do something sometime.
308 Is your boyfriend/girlfriend here? Is s/he on the roof? (No.) Then let's go to the roof!
309 Wanna play "kite"? I lay down, you blow and we'll see how high you can make me.
310 My bedroom has a very interesting ceiling. . .
311 I'm easy, but it looks like you are hard.
312 Do you have room in your life for another friend?
313 Nice pants, can I test the zipper?
314 Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?
315 Do you like chicken? Sorry, I haven't got any, how about a cock?
316 Do you believe in the hereafter? Then you know what I'm here after.
317 If I were to borrow your glasses, could I see you home?
318 Could you tell me where they keep the rutabagas? Oh, thanks. Oh, by the way, what is a rutabaga?
319 I think that we might be related. Let me check for the family birthmark on your chest.
320 I wanna take out your pencil and stick it in my pencil case.
321 I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1.
322 If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep in until the afternoon.
323 Hi. I'm horny.
324 Excuse me, but you've got a Wild Blocost on your shoulder! (What's a Wild Blocost?) How much do ya got?
325 You know, I wanna go inside your wine cabinet and pull myself out a stiff one.
326 You look like my type: nice hair, beautiful eyes, amazing body, but there is still just one problem: your clothing. (What's wrong with my clothing?) They're still on.
327 (Look down at the crotch) It's not just going to suck itself.
328 So, are you going to give me your phone number, or am I going to have to stalk you?
329 I'm a writer, you're a writer, how about we get naked together and put some poetry in motion?
330 I have not had sex in three years. No matter what you did, kiss me all over, dance for me, or wear provocative outfits, I would not give in. Want to test me?
331 Hi. I'm like a tropical island: hot, wet, and waiting for tourists.
332 Are you cold? Let me be your electric blacket. Just plug me in and I'll make you feel nice and toasty inside and out.
333 (Hold up a screw) Wanna screw?
334 Do you want to come over to my place and feed your beaver some wood?
335 Champaine can be tickly, and so can I.
336 You know how your hair would look really good? [No.] In my lap.
337 If I jumped on your back, would you beat me off?
338 Do you remember me from the other night? Probably not, because we really hit it off.
339 Do you believe in Santa Claus? Do you think that if I am good this year, he'll put you in my stocking this year?
340 You know what they say about guys with big hands. [What] Big latex.
341 How can I love you if you won't lay down?
342 [What are you doing?] I'm taking off my shoes. [Why?] So I can take off my pants.
343 If I were the king, and you were the queen, in the cosmic game of chess, would you mate with me?
344 My cat has lovely fur. Can I see yours?
345 You know how I am with dicks? I suck at it.
346 Do you like anyone else in here? Well, I guess you are stuck with me.
347 If you were a duck and I were a moose, and we had sex, we'd make a duckmoose, and it would sound like this:[make the wierdest sound you can].
348 Excuse me miss... Do you have a cigarette? Actually, I don't want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.
349 You like sleeping? Me too! We should do it together sometime.
350 What do you think of Bill Clinton? (Answer...) Yeah, me too, but I try not to follow that stuff regarding Bill, Hilliary, or Monica. Want a cigar?
351 Damn, I know you are not on four legs, but you look faster than a cheetah.
352 You're on my list of things to do tonight.
353 If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?
354 "I have this magic watch that can actually talk to me. Seriously, it's saying something right now." Put ear to watch. "It says that you're not wearing any underwear, is that true?." [No.] "Oh..." Tap watch a few times. "That's the problem... my watch is an hour fast!"
355 Do you want to go swimming? Damn, there isn't a pool around... But my sheets are blue?
356 Hi, I'm the reincarnated soul of Tai-Pong, once a starved, naked Buddhist monk. All that isolation is getting to me. Want to get down on your knees and pray?
357 Come on. We're leaving.
358 The name is Reese, and you're lookin like someone that would suck on my piece.
359 Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you want to go upstairs and talk?
360 (Holding your nuts) Do you want "2 CDs" (see these) for a dollar?
361 Does God know you've escaped from Heaven? Here, come with me to my place. You can stay there until he calls looking for you.
362 Look at my lips and your lips. They want to massage each other.
363 Have you ever seen Buttman's Between the Cheeks?" No, well let me demonstrate.
364 re you cold? You look like you could use some hot chocolate... Well, here I am!
365 What's your name? That's a beautiful name. Can I ask you one single, impulsive question? Are you in love at the present moment? I'm not the type of guy to impede on another man's happiness but if the answer is "No" I'd like to continue with my rhapsody. Has anybody ever told you that you glide? (What?) It's a very special quality, every other girl in this place merely plods along but you glide, girls who glide need guys who make them "thump." (What's thump?) You think about him, you can't eat, you can't sleep, you watch the phone waiting for it to ring. Girls who glide need guys who make them "thump," I can make you "thump." Have dinner with me.
366 I know I can't have your cherry, but can I get the box it came in?
367 If you think Chewbacca is hairy, wait till you see my Wookie.
368 Hello, can I offer you eight inches of strength and sensitivity?
369 Are you anorexic? Oh, OK, then I'll understand if you spit.
370 Do you have a can opener? My dick is about to pop.
371 Do you work at Subway? Cause you just have me a footlong.
372 Do you want to see the soles of your feet in the wing mirrors in my car?
373 Baby, I wanna take my extention cord and stick it all the way into your electrical outlet.
374 You have beautiful hair. But it could be better. (How?) If it were spread over my pillow.
375 Wanna feed my beaver some wood?
376 Hello, I may have just met you but I feel like I have known you all my life and I love you, what hotel room should I reserve?
377 Hi, do you dissect insects for scientific research? (No, why?) I thought you might want to look inside my fly.
378 Roses are Red; Apples are Sour; I'll Spread my legs; And you can show me your "power"
379 I'm sterile
380 I'll make you shiver when I deliver.
381 Hello, well-formed Homo sapien specimen. Would you care to depart with me towards my domiciliary residence and observe a documentary of the ontogenesis of another Homo sapien individual just prior to fertilization?
382 Wanna get down with me like four flat tires?
383 Did I mention that I'm the only person in the Guiness Book of World's Records actually able to suck a golf ball through a garden hose?
384 If you were camping and woke up with a used condom inside you, would you tell anyone? (No) Wanna go Camping?
385 Let's have a party in your shoes, and then invite your pants.
386 I'm hungry and I'm on a liquid diet.
387 I can play the 1812 Overture on a touchtone phone with my tongue.
388 Hey. Do you have that Hawiian Disease? What? "Comeoniwannalayya".
389 I'm like chocolate: I go straight to your ass!
390 I'm invisible. (Really?) Can you see me? (Yes) How about tomorrow night?
391 Do you like jigsaw puzzles? Let's go to my room and put our pieces together.
392 You, me, handcuffs, and whipped cream: interested?
393 Lets play "Titanic." When I say "Iceberg!" you do down.
394 What is long and hard, and right behind you?
395 You remind me of a Twinky: Every time I bite into you, you cream in my mouth."
396 If I were to send you flowers... No wait, let me rephrase: If I were to let you such on my tongue, would you be grateful?
397 I'll bet you $10 my dick can't fit into your mouth.
398 Baby, I would do more things to you than MacGyver in a "Do-It-Yourself Shop".
399 I'm gonna have sex tonight!!! I'm gonna have sex tonight!!! (With whom?) Depends: what are you doing tonight at around 1?
400 I'm like Domino's Pizza: if you don't cum in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
401 (With hands on shoulders) Oh, those are shoulder blades, I thought they were wings.
402 Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!
403 Are you busy tonight at 3:00 A.M.?
404 Are you lost ma'am? Because heaven's a long way from here.
405 Are you O.K.? Because heaven's a long fall from here.
406 As she's leaving....Hey aren't you forgetting something? She: What? Me!
407 Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he's missing an angel!
408 Bond. James Bond.
409 Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams. OR: I want to call your mother and thank her.
410 Did it hurt? Woman: Did what hurt? When you fell out of heaven?
411 Do you come here often?
412 Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
413 Don't worry about it. Nothing that you've ever done before counts. The only thing that matters is that we're together.
414 Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!!
415 Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.
416 Hey...somebody farted. Let's get out of here.
417 Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?
418 How was heaven when you left it?
419 I didn't know that angels could fly so low!
420 I have only three months to live. ..
421 I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south.
422 I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.
423 I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
424 I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start.
425 If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
426 If I followed you home, would you keep me?
427 If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.
428 Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
429 My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love.
430 So there you are! I've been looking all over for YOU, the girl of my dreams!
431 Stand still so I can pick you up!
432 Was you father an alien? Because there's nothing else like you on earth!
433 What time do you have to be back in heaven?
434 What was that sound? It was the sound of my heart breaking.
435 What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?
436 What's that in your eye? Must just be a twinkle.
437 What's your favorite position on extramarital sex?
438 What's your sign?
439 Where have you been all my life?
440 Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel?
441 Wouldn't we look cute on a wedding cake together?
442 Wow.
443 You look like an angel. Welcome to Earth.
444 You must be a hell of a thief 'cause you stole my heart from across the room.
445 Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns.
446 Your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night.
447 [Grab the ass] Pardon me, is this seat taken?
448 Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart.
449 Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
450 [ Look at her shirt label.] When they say, "What are you doing?" You respond: "Yep! Made in heaven!"
451 Your eyes are blue, like the ocean. And baby, I'm lost at sea.
452 Ask a woman for the time. "10:30? So today is January 10,1999, at 10:30 PM, thanks I just wanted to be able to remember the exact moment that I met you."
453 "Pinch me." "Why?" "You're so fine I must be dreaming."
454 Your name must be Mickey because your so fine.
455 You're daddy must be a hunter because he sure caught a fox!"
456 You're daddy must be an archer because he sure shot a bulls eye!
457 Your daddy must play the trumpet, because he sure made me horny!
458 Ouch! My tooth hurts! Target: "Why?" Because you are soooo sweet!
459 You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb.
460 You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.
461 Do you know karate? 'Cause your body is really kickin'.
462 Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call FINE PRINT!
463 Hi. I would like to award you the {Whatever beer we were drinking} award for looking so good. Now if you will give me your name, number and other vital statistics i would like to enter you in our grand prize drawing which will win you an all expense paid date with me.
464 You must be a Snickers, because you satisfy me.
465 Is your dad a terrorists? Cause you're the bomb.
466 Are you religious? Cause you are the answers to all my prayers.
467 You're like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!
468 Say, you remind me of a pop tart. (Why?) You're cool cause you're hot!
469 If beauty were sunlight, you'd shine from a million light-years away.
470 Baby, you are the finest thing in the world. I could put you on a place and sop you up with a biscuit.
471 Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.
472 I must be a snowflake, 'cuz I've fallen for you.
473 Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Nope, it's just a sparkle.
474 Is there a rainbow today? I just found the treasure I've been searching for!
475 You remind me of a magnet, because you sure are attracting me over here!
476 It's my birthday! How about a birthday kiss? [Is it really your birthday?] No, but how about a kiss anyway?
477 What's the name of your perfume? "Catch of the Day?"
478 If you were a laser, you'd be set on "stunning".
479 (person walks in, and you say:) And out of nowhere comes the sunshine!!
480 When I marry I wonder if God will be mad that I stole one of his angels.
481 I'm good at math. U+I=69
482 If stars would fall everytime I would think of you, the sky would soon be empty.
483 Hi. Your name must be (your car here) because my backseat has it written all over.
484 Excuse me, do I need to buy a ticket for your fantastic voyage?
485 I'm wearing Revlon colourstay lipstick, want to help me test the claim it won't kiss off?
486 Go up to the person and ask for their hand. Draw a line across it and explain that its a really big river, and the bunny on this side (doesn't matter) really needs to get to the other side. Ask how he does it. Give cute little answers as to why the bunny can't cross the river (ie...bunny jump in river, bunny go *glubglubglub*.) When the person finally asks how the bunny is supposed to get across, give them the cute puppy eyes and say "I don't know, I just wanted to hold your hand."
487 Mars? This is the advanced recon unit. Good news, I've found a couple of foxes.
488 Damn! Somebody needs to write explosive on you, cuz your the bomb!
489 Hey, is it just me, or are we destined to be married?
490 Do you remember Crayola Crayons? They used to have this color...Blizzard Blue. It was my favorite color and I could never figure out why. But I just realized why, your eyes...Blizzard Blue.
491 Something tells me you're sweet. Can I have a sample?
492 Excuse me, do you have any raisins? How about a date?
493 Your lips look so lonely.... Would they like to meet mine?
494 Is that a keg in your pants? 'Cause I'd love to tap that ass.
495 Hello. Are you taking any applications for a boy/girlfriend?
496 I have an "owie" on my lip. Will you kiss it and make it better?
497 (stand next to the girl) Hey do you think you could ask this girl to give me her name and number? (answer:Depends on who it is) Okay but keep it quiet because she is standing right next to me.
498 Hi, my name is Chris. I'm funny, financially stable, and have a very interesting DNA structure.
499 Can I take your picture? (Why?) Because I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Chirstmas.
500 (Open and close wallet quickly) Here's my "Fine Arts Connoisseur" diploma. You sure are a masterpiece.
501 Let's make like a fabric softener and Snuggle(TM)
502 (while looking at stars) Baby, I didn't see any stars in the sky tonight, the most heavenly body was sitting right next to me.
503 If you know a person's name: "Hi, [name]." How did you know my name? "Isn't every beautiful girl named that?"
504 See this pin? I want to prick you with it to see if you truly do bleed sunshine
505 You be the Dairy Queen and I'll be your Burger King: You treat me right, and I'll do it your way
506 [Pretend to read your hand, do so quite poorly] What is a nice girl like you doing in a place like this? (Huh?) [Lower left hand and raise right, read poorly] What's your sign?
507 Hi. My name is {name}. I'm running for president in 2012. And I could sure use your vote. Here...write down your number and I'll call you to discuss my platform.
508 If I could reach out and hold a star for everytime you've made me smile, I'd hold the sky in the palm of my hand.
509 Good evening. May a thorn sit down amongst the roses?
510 Many people will walk in and out of your life. But only lovers will leave a footprint on your heart. And you my dear have left one great leap on mine!
511 Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?
512 Do you have a bandaid? Because I just scrapped my knee falling for you.
513 I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there. So I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.
514 What is your favorite color? (Answer) Mine too!
515 Giant polar bear (What?) It broke the ice.
516 (Put your fingers on the other's nipples) Hey, here's (name), comin' at you with the weather. Can I be your warm front?
517 Excuse me, does this tequila taste funny? (Hand them an untouched shot)
518 So, what do you like to do for fun? (Why?) 'Cause I'm gonna ask you out.
519 Well, I AM telepathic, and i can tell that you love me. Right? (NO!) Damn, I always get "love" and "lust" mixed up.
520 (Talk to her)Did i ever tell you you're my hero? You're everything I wish I could be? (Start Singing) I can fly higher than an eagle! (talking) Because (her name) you are the wind beneith my wings.
521 (close hand with nothing inside and give it to her) It's my breath from when you took it away (open palm while saying this)
522 (leaning over to whisper) I think about you when I masturbate.
523 Are we related? Do you want to be?
524 Can you say Constantinople backwards? Me neither, but I just wanted to ask.
525 Can you spell ICUP. I-C-U-P. You saw me pee. (laugh profusely)
526 Do you know how to use a whip?
527 Drop 'em!
528 Excuse me, do you live around here often?
529 Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.
530 Hey babe...can you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose?
531 Hey babe...can you suck start a Harley?
532 Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.
533 Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "'Cause they're mine sweetheart."
534 I am very, very lonely, and I was wonderin'...
535 I know a great way to burn off the calories in that pastry you just ate.
536 I'm drunk.
537 I'm not trying anything, I always put my hands there.
538 I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?
539 If I could be anything, I'd love to be your bathwater.
540 If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK
541 Like the look of your crotch.
542 Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you?
543 Pardon me miss, but I help noticing that you have cum in your hair.
544 Really like your peaches, wanna shake your tree.
545 Say, did we go to different schools together?
546 That outfit must make a lot of noise in the dryer, huh.
547 What's a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this??
548 Why you've got the whitest teeth I'd ever want to cum across!
549 Would you like Gin and platonic or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?
550 Would you like to dance or should I go fuck myself again?
551 Would you like to see me naked ??
552 Wow! Are you really as beautiful as you seem or do you remind me of myself?
553 You are just truly absolutely beautiful! Can you cook and clean also?
554 You are so fine that I'd eat your shit just to see where it came from.
555 You got nice breasts, but what color are your nipples? Brown or Pink?
556 You know what I like about you? My arms.
557 You know, I'd really love to fuck your brains out, but it appears someone beat me to it.
558 You know, my mother says you have the smoothest complexion of anyone she knows.
559 You look just like my mother.
560 You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno.
561 You remind me of a girl I used to date.
562 You remind me of my dead ex-girlfriend.
563 You're 'No Parking' right? Just trying to guess your sign.
564 Your name is Laura, huh? Can I call you Laura? Really, what time?
565 Are my undies showing? Answer: "No." You: "Would you like them to?
566 I'd walk a million miles over broken glass just to meet the guy that fucked you last.
567 If you were a booger I'd pick you first.
 

568 Excuse me , she says "Uh huh", do you have any Grey Poupon? no? well we can still get the sandwich action going on baby....
569 hey baby, can i feel your Ginsana? (No.) Wanna feel mine?
570 Do you like clocks? (Yes.) Put two hands and a face on this. (Point down)
571 Do you like chocolate? (Yes.) You can have my bar.
572 Beer is the root of all evil. Give me a beer. I'm a WICKED root!
573 Hey baby... you got any diseases? Want some?
574 I'm an iceberg on a summer's day in South Carolina.
575 Is your name daisy? Because I have a sudden urge to plant you right here!!!
576 Pardon me, do you mind if I push in your stool?
577 If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would flip the M and W (double you).
578 If belly buttons were a status symbol, then baby you would be God.
579 Have you ever seen a tree branch? [Girl] Yes. [Guy] How about a root?
580 I have four words for you "Hol I Day Inn".
581 I am not a queen but I'll give you something royal.
582 Is your name Brandy? Because your the best liqueur I have ever had.
583 Does an elephant taking a shit make you want to fuck everything around you?
584 Do you want a worm-do? (Whats a worm do?) It does this..(Move your finger like a worm~~~~~~)
585 I'd call this puppy love but I'm not into all those new positions.
586 Wow, your eyebrows are thick.
587 I'm sick. My medicine is to talk to you.
588 I'm feeling a little off today. Would you like to turn me on?
589 Are you an Emerson? Because those are some nice tits!
590 You're like a Pringle. Once I pop ya, I can't stop ya.
591 Your hair is so soft. Do you use Paul Mitchell products?
592 You smell kinda pretty. Wanna smell me?
593 I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
594 (if your name is Dan) Did you know my name backwards is "Nad"?
595 Hey baby, I think you made my two by four into a four by eight.
596 I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet.
597 Have you ever heard of the naked pretzel? Ok, sit on my magical lap and we'll see what rises!
598 Do you have the time? [Gives the time] No, the time to write down my number?
599 Buy me a beer, will ya hon?
600 You look like my mommy. I like my mommy.
601 What the hell are you looking at?
602 (go up to a table and whip it out) Charlie!! Anyone you recognize?
603 Hey... Didn't I see your name in the dictionary under "Kablaam"?
604 Do you have a name or can I call you mine?
605 Someone vacuum my lap, I think you need a clean place to sit.
606 Excuse me, but do you have the temperature?
607 I want you to have my children (pause) GREAT! They are in the car outside..
608 If I was hungry for crabs would you spread your legs for me?
609 Do you have a license for that wagon you're draggin'?
610 Were you staring at my crotch?
611 Hi, do you speak English? (yes.) Oh, me too.
612 Can I impregnate you with my Demon spawn?
613 You can stand next to me as long as you don't talk about the heat.
614 Hey, you've got a lawyer's ass. Yip, it's firm.
615 So, are you a Skinner or a fucker?
616 Like Motel 6, I'll leave the light on for you.
617 Can I ASS you a question?
618 You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.
619 Bitch, you without me is like Harry Melvin without Bluenotes: You'll never go platinum.
620 o you like to drink through straws?
621 Hi, my name is Peter. Wanna find out why?
622 Ever seen the movie "Fear"?
623 What color is your shit?
624 If you were the alphabet, I'd place you under "O"!
625 I cannot believe what a complete slut you are.
626 If I had AIDS, would you have sex with me? (No.) Well, I don't, so let's go.
627 Are you an oscillating fan? 'Cause your phone is ringing.
628 Hey Bitches!!! Free Cociane!!
629 How do you know that I'm not loving you now?
630 Do you know that the Edmonton Oilers haven't won the Stanley Cup for a while now.
631 Will you be my christmas cracker? I'd really like to pull you.
632 Your eyes remind me of diamonds, because diamonds are expensive, and so are eye replacements, and baby- you need eye replacements.
633 Is that baby oil on your forehead? Cause you shine like an angel.
634 Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?
635 You look cold. Want to use me as a blanket?
636 Would you like to shake hands with beef?
637 I'm not a chef or a dancer, but I can pop cherries
638 I treat a bitch like seven up, I never have, I never will.
639 Excuse me, but why is your moose drinking my cheese?
640 How do you make a chicken run? Hold on, and I'll have my little brother show you.
641 You'd make a bishop kick out a stained-glass window.
642 Do you come here often or wait till you get home?
643 Have you ever wondered what a vaginal blood fart smelt like?(No) Cool....me neither.
644 Are you cold? (Yes) You want a jacket? (Sure) Well, not here, you can jack it when you get back to my room.
645 In Venezuela only real men have big mustaches.
646 Baby I've got one- help me make it two!
647 Here, you take my lollypop and I'll improvise...
648 Hi my name is _____! Can I pee in your butt?
649 Hey sexy. I like shoelaces, bow-ties, and motorized wheelchairs. Wanna go back to my place and use all three?
650 If you were yogurt, would you be fruit at the bottom or stirred?
651 If you were the Virgin Mary, could I bless you?
652 Excuse me, but I think I left your sunglasses in your pocket. Mind if I check?
653 (Walk into her chest) "If they weren't sooo large, it wouldn't have happened.
654 All those curves, and me with no brakes.
655 Are those space pants? Cuz your ass is out of this world!
656 Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.
657 Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business.
658 Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
659 Didn't I see you on the cover of Vogue?
660 Excuse me, I don't want you to think I'm ridiculous or anything, but you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I just felt like I had to tell you."
661 Girl, you look so good, I could put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit!
662 Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it?
663 Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on!
664 Hey, don't I know you? Yeah, you're the girl with the beautiful smile.
665 Hey, I know you! You were Miss Maryland last year, weren't you?
666 I feel like Richard Gere, I'm standing next to you, the Pretty Woman.
667 I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?
668 I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away!
669 I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness.
670 I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been drinking?
671 I think I can die happy now, cause I've just seen a piece of heaven.
672 I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.
673 I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good.
674 If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
675 If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
676 Is it hot in here or is it just you?
677 Just where do those legs of yours end?
678 Let's take a shower together -- you smell.
679 Nice to meet you, I'm (your name) and you are...gorgeous!
680 So, what do you do for a living besides always making all the men excited and warm all over?
681 Was your dad king for a day? He must have been to make a princess(or prince) like you.
682 Was your father a farmer? Because you sure have grown some nice melons!
683 Was your father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body?
684 Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good.
685 Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot.
686 Were your parents Greek Gods, 'cause it takes two gods to make a goddess.
687 What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?
688 What's that on your face? Oh, must just be beauty. Here, let me get it off. Hey, it's not coming off!
689 Wow! Are those real?
690 Ya know, you look really hot! You must be real reason for global warming.
691 You are the reason men fall in love.
692 You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!
693 You know, I would die happy if I saw you naked just once!
694 You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other women look really bad.
695 You look like my third wife. She: Oh, how many time have you been married? Twice.
696 You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.
697 You should be someone's wife.
698 You're ugly but you intrigue me.
699 You've got to refer me to your plastic surgeon.
700 Oh my sweet darling! For a moment I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven has been brought to me.
701 Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside?
702 Hey, You were great on Bay Watch last night!
703 If you have a chance to become anything on earth what would you want to become?" [the answer] you: " well to me, I want to be your tear drop: I was born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips.
704 Babe! you look so fine I could drink your bath water!
705 I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
706 I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.
707 You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
708 You're so hot you would make the devil sweat.
709 Baby, you so flat you make the walls jealous.
710 If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever.
711 I bet you could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.
712 I bet you could suck Lincoln's head off a penny.
713 Gee, for a fat girl you sure don't sweat much.
714 Are you wearing space pants? Cause your ass is out of this world.
715 Excuse me.....Hi, i'm writing a term paper on the finer things in life, and i was wondering if i could interview you...
716 If god made any thing better than you he keep it for him self.
717 Guy: Sorry, but you owe me a drink. Girl: Why? Guy: I looked at you and dropped mine.
718 Girl, if I were a fly, I'd be all over you, because you're the shit!
719 There must be a lightswitch on my forehead because everytime I see you, you turn me on!
720 Damn, I thought "very-fine" only came in a bottle!
721 Your dad must have been retarded, 'cuz you are special.
722 Hey, how did you do that? (What?) Look so good?
723 Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.
724 If beauty were time, you'd be eternity.
725 Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!
726 Are you a parking ticket? (What?) You got fine written all over you.
727 If you stood in front of a mirror and help up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world.
728 Presents the person with a single rose and say: "I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are."
729 I betting that you cannot wait until tomorrow, because I bet that you get more and more beautiful every day.
730 If God made anything more pretty, I'm sure he'd keep it for himself.
731 You are so beautiful that I would marry your brother just to get into your family.
732 You look like a cool glass of refreshing water, and I am the thirstiest man in the world.
733 Are you a tamale? 'Cause you're hot.
734 You are so beautiful that you give the sun a reason to shine.
735 I was going to tell you a joke that'll make your tits fall off. But it looks like somebody beat me to it.
736 Most people like to watch the (i.e. World Cup, Stanley Cup, Super Bowl, NBA playoffs, etc..) cuz it only happens once a year/every 4 years, but I'd rather talk to you cause the chance of meeting someone like you only happens once in a lifetime.
737 Where's your paper bag? (What?) Your paper bag to put over your head. (Excuse me?) It's dangerous for someone like you to be out in public with all of these horny people around. Don't worry, I'll protect you.
738 When I saw you from across the room, I passed out cold and hit my head on the floor...so I'm going to need your name and number for insurance reasons.
739 Has anyone ever told you that you have Scandinavian hands? (Uh, no.) No, of course not, that would be an incredibly stupid thing to say, wouldn't it?
740 Excuse me miss... Is your face so messed up because you fell from heaven.
741 Do you want to see a picture of a beautiful person? (hold up a mirror)
742 Do you bleach your teeth? 'Cause your smile lights up the entire room like a candle in the dark. Let's go prove it.
743 Your ass is so nice that it is a shame that you have to sit on it.
744 Do you like to dance? Well then, could you go dance so I can talk to your friend?
745 Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
746 Do you go the ocean much? 'Cause you smell like the CLAM!
747 Stop, drop, and roll, baby. You are on fire.
748 I'm sorry, but, have we met before? (No.) Oh, I'm sorry, I guess that it must have been your mom.
749 Baby, you're so hot, you make the equator look like the north pole.
750 You're a babe, right? Haven't you seen the film?
751 Babe, your beauty makes the morning sun look like the dull glimmer of the moon.
752 Even though the ugly lights are shining bright, you still look beautiful.
753 There aren't enough "O"'s in the word "smooth" to describe how smooth you are.
754 This is incredible. This is the first time that this has ever happened to us. (What?) Each one of my 27 personalities found you cute!
755 If beauty were an hour, you'd be a second.
756 Wow, you have some sweet birthin' hips.
757 (Walk up to them and touch them) Thank God, I thought that you were only an illusion(mirage).
758 If beauty were a grain of sand, you'd be a million beaches.
759 Is that your date, or did your brother get a new dress?
760 You must be going to hell, because it is a sin to look that good.
761 Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.
762 If it weren't for that DAMNED sun, you'd be the hottest thing ever created.
763 That's a nice watch [Thank you] Actually, that's a nice dress. [Again, thank you] Come to think of it, everything is nice on you.
764 Did the Lord steal the thunder from the skies and put them in your thighs?
765 Are those implants?
766 Are you a bird collector? 'Cause you've got a nice set of hooters.
767 Excuse me, is that your perfume that you are wearing?
768 How is your fever? [What fever?] Oh... you just look hot to me.
769 I just got dumped, and I think that you could make me feel better.
770 (Walk up to someone and bite them anywhere) Person: What are you doing?!?!? You: Sorry, taking a bite out of crime. Person: WHAT?!?!? You: Well it has to be illegal to look that good!
771 You are a 9.9999. You'd be a perfect 10 if you were with me.
772 Excuse me, I'd like to have kids someday, and I wanted to know how your parents created such a beautiful creature.
773 When God made you, he was showing off.
774 (Bump into someone) If I knew how hot you were I would have grabbed your ass instead of bumping into you.
775 Roses are red, violets are black, why is your chest as flat as my back?
776 Hey, don't frown - you'll never know who might be falling in love with your smile.
777 Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore....my face should be among them.
778 My ex-girlfriend used to call me Goldfinger.
779 If all the stars in the sky were summed, not even words that many times stronger than "beautiful" could ever be used to describe you.
780 You're so hot, I bet you could light a candel at 10 paces.
781 How much did it cost? (What?) The surgery that made you so hot!
782 Are you a bad load of laundry? You make my pants feel two sizes too small.
783 If you were a laser gun, you'd be set on stunning.
784 You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porshe.
785 The drink: $6. The room: $100. The night with you?: Priceless.
786 Listen to this: my buddies over there said that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful boy/girl in the bar. Wanna buy some drinks with some of their money?
787 You must be a high jumper, because you make my bar raise!
788 If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents.
789 Have you seen my enormous jar of "Penis Reducing Cream"?
790 You know at this angle as the lights hit your eyes [start fixing hair] I can see myself and I look great." Then smile, and sheepishly say "just kidding."
791 If you were even half as gorgeous as me, I'd consider sleeping with you.
792 You wet? I'd bet you are after looking at me.
793 You're so fine, I'd suck your daddy's dick just to get some of where that came from.
794 I can't believe I've been hear the entire evening with all these beautiful people and the moment I find 'The One', all I have time to say is "good bye".
795 I had your sister last year, she sucked. Wanna defend your family honor?
796 Hey baby, you've got somthing on your butt: my eyes.
797 This isn't a beer belly, It'a a fuel tank for a love machine.
798 Are those your breasts or are they Siamese Watermelons?
799 I don't know you, but I think I love you already.
800 You look beautiful today, just like every other day.
801 Walk up and say, "Yes?" "What?" "Oh, my friend told me that you wanted to make out with me because I'm the finest thing you have seen all night."
802 Are you an interior decorator? When i saw you the room became beautiful.
803 You know I'd like to invite you over, but I'm afraid you're so hot you'll skyrocket my air-conditioning bill.
804 Ok, quick, you go in the toilets and get me some condoms and meet me back here in five minutes... In the meantime I'll go and get you some breath mints...
805 Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!
806 Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock!
 

807 Did you clean your pants with Windex? I can practically see myself in them.
808 Do you have a boyfriend? [No] Want one? [Yes] Well, when you want a MANfriend, come and talk to me.
809 Do you want to see something swell?
810 Excuse me, but you have a beep on your nose. What? (Reach up and gently squeeze her nose) BEEP!
811 Excuse me, I'm a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a cab home together?
812 Hey babe, wanna make an easy fifty bucks?
813 Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
814 I am conducting a field test of how many woman have pierced nipples.
815 I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk.
816 I'd marry your cat just to get in the family.
817 I've gotta thirst, baby, and you smell like my Gatorade.
818 My friend and I have a bet that you won't take off you blouse in a public place.
819 No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?
820 Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my phone number, could I borrow yours?
821 Pardon me, are you in heat?!
822 Should I call you in the morning or nudge you?
823 So, you're a girl huh?
824 Stand back, I'm a doctor. You go get an ambulance, I'll loosen her clothes.
825 Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy.
826 Would you like to come over to my place later? You can bring some friends because my face seats fiv e.
827 You know how they say skin is the largest organ? Not in my case.
828 You make my software turn to hardware!
829 You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.
830 To a girl with braces, and if you have them as well: "Hey, wanna hook up sometime?"
831 If you were a booger I'd pick you first.
832 Pardon me, have you seen my missing Nobel Prize around here anywhere?
833 Are you accepting applications for your fan club?
834 Hey baby... drop that zero and get with the hero in other words... you better come with me.
835 Hey baby you're so fine you make me stutter, wha-wha-what's your name?
836 My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me any time you want to
837 Hi... would you fuck me? I'd fuck me, I'd fuck me real hard!!
838 Is your name Pepsi cause' I've gotta have it.
839 There's this movie I wanted to see and my mom said I couldn't go by myself.....
840 Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.
841 When I first saw you, I knew we could win the Stanley Cup in tonsil hockey.
842 Want to taste my dick? (What!?!) I said, "do you want to taste my drink?"
843 They call me "coffee". I grind so fine.
844 Can I stir your drink? Mind if I use my dick?
845 Which one of the Spice girls are you?
846 Male: Hey, I don't feel to good. Female: Why? Male: I feel like I have an elephant in my stomach. Female: What? Male: (looking down) I think his truck is already sticking out.
847 Weren't you at the tractor pull last night? I remember your tits.
848 Hi, my name is Doug. That's "god" spelled backwards with a little bit of you wrapped up in it.
849 (Used while you and a male friend wear a bib. Walk up and stare at breasts) Mama!
850 This is a test of the emergency pick up line service. Beeeeeeeeeep. If you had been any less beautiful, you would have just heard a bad pick up line.
851 Hi. I'm an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
852 Guy: I bet you're a C-cup. Girl: How'd you know that? Guy: My testicles are the same size.
853 My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in
854 Did your father have sex with a carrot? Cause you've got nice eyes.
855 I'm bigger and better than the Titanic..... only 200 woman went down on the Titanic
856 Can I take you to the Bone-yard?
857 I may not be dairy queen but I'll treat you right!!!
858 Tickle your pussy with a feather? (What?) I said, "Particularly nice weather."
859 My love for you is like diarrhea. I can't hold it in.
860 Did you just sit in a water puddle, or are you just happy to see me?
861 Damn, have you been eating beans and rice lately?
862 I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?
863 I just shit into my pants. Can I get into yours?
864 Do you like magic? (Yes or No) I want to cast a spell on you with my magic meat wand.
865 For what sort of person are you looking? Wait- don't tell me: medium height, blue eyes, etc...
866 Roses are red, violets are blue, I have warts, so will you.
867 Don't worry about the missing teeth. It just means that there is more room for your tongue.
868 Are you menstruating? If so, I know how to insert tampons.
869 I can see you. [Uh, yeah.] Great! Then how about tomorrow.
870 Hi, I'm foreign. I've got Russian hands and Roman fingers.
871 Excuse me. I'm from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position.
872 So you wanna get laid? Then crawl up a chicken's butt and wait.
873 If you were a chicken, you'd be impeccable.
874 Can you help me up? My dick is too big.
875 Can I borrow 70 cents? (No) Then how about 69. I'm sure you can offer 69.
876 Excuse me, but do you have tickets? (Tickets for what?) (Points to arm and flex) To the gun show!
877 You remind me of Pokemon. I just wanna piccachu.
878 Beww BEWWW Beww (What?) That is the sound of the ambulance coming to pick me up because when I saw you my heart stopped!
879 Good day for weather.
880 You know what you and corn have in common? (No) Absolutely nothing! (laugh hysterically at yourself.)
881 I wet my pants... can I get in yours?
882 Got two nipples for a dime?
883 Are you Natasha, my contact?
884 You must be this beautiful (make hand gesture for small height) to ride the me.
885 You're so hot, your ass is on fire.
886 If you were a dwarf, you'd probably say I got a big dick.
887 You know, when you and I get old and your son/daughter comes up to me and says "Daddy, how did you meet mommy?" I'm gonna have to tell him/her how quiet you were, or how difficult you were being."
888 OK, it's not very big and I'm not very good, but I've got the cutest little way of getting on and off.
889 Drive around like a car and make screeching sounds and say "Uh, sorry, my uh, breaks aren't working well. Where are you headed?"
890 Excuse me. Do you have chicken in your fridge? (yes) How big are your breasts?
891 It's not my fault I fell in love. You are the one that tripped me.
892 Um, you have really beautiful.....uh....eyes, yea. You are pretty. What I mean is... You have a nice forehead. (Messing Up) Do you believe in when I walk by..... (To yourself) Oh Man, shit, STUPID STUPID STUPID!
893 Be unique and different, say yes.
894 Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
895 Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
896 Hi, my name is {name}, how do you like me so far?
897 Hi. Are you cute?
898 I can sense that you're a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a little.
899 I'm easy. Are you?
900 I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
901 I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex.
902 Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.
903 So....How am I doin'?
904 You see my friend over there? [Point to friend who sheepishly waves from afar] He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
905 Do you have a boyfriend? No. Want one?(if yes: Want another one?)
906 Do you have a boyfriend? (Yes) Do you mess around? (No) Would you hold still while I do?
907 When she's leaving:"Hey, where are you going?" Answer:"home." You:"You're not just gonna leave me here like this are you?"
908 Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children. For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going.
909 Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
910 Does your boyfriend know where you are?
911 The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name.
912 If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
913 (Approach a group of them) I'm gonna have sex with you, you, and you. Alright, who's first?
914 (give the person a bottle of tequila) Drink this, then call me when you're ready.
915 Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.
916 Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap motel room across the street.
917 As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No. Damn!
918 I bet you $20 you're gonna turn me down.
919 All this could be yours for one low, low price!
920 Believe it or not, gettin' laid is still hard when you're this good-looking.
921 I'm friendly and slow moving!
922 (Walk over to her)"Ok, you can stand next to me, as long as you don't talk about it."
923 Chicks dig me. I wear colored underwear.
924 Come on, you can't get pregnant again.
925 Did you know that the word 'motel' spelled backwards means 'letom'?
926 Do I know you from somewhere, because I don't recognize you with your clothes on?
927 Do you think I could borrow that dress/bustier sometime?
928 Excuse me, miss? Hi, I'm doing a scavenger hunt for my fraternity rush, and one of the things on my list is a umm....weird chick.
929 Free mammograms, get your free mammograms here, get 'em while they're hot!
930 Have you run into any trees lately? Then how bout a root!
931 Hello, Susie. Your mom couldn't make it this afternoon, she asked me to pick you up and take you home. My, what a pretty dress.
932 HI! Can I buy you a car?
933 Hi, I make more money than you can spend.
934 I found this [lace glove, rosary, etc.] on the floor at the club last night, is it yours? Well, if it's not, I'd like to give it to you anyway.
935 I saw you at the party last weekend and you look kind of interesting.. Let's meet sometime...
936 Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's
937 Want to see my stamp collection?
938 What's a nice girl like you doing with a face like that?
939 You know, if we cut your arms off, you'd look just like Venus de Milo.
940 You have the ass of a great artist.
941 If I pet you, would you follow me home?
942 Greetings and salivations
943 Chicks dig me because I rarely wear any underwear, and when I do it is usually something eroticaly exotic...want to see?
944 I need to dump my load. Do you mind waiting for me on the bonnet of my car?
945 Pardon me, can I borrow your spatula?
946 I have big feet.
947 Not only can I palm an NBA basketball, I wear a 13 1/2 size shoe
948 I want you to have my children. In fact, you can have them right now, they're out in the car.

A local newspaper ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line... but the least romantic second line. Here are some of the entries they received.

I thought that I could love no other
until, that is, I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell"