Blonde Jokes ....

 

Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.

Why do men like blonde jokes so much?
Because they can understand them

How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
Shine a flashlight in their ear.

What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.

Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills

Did you hear about the blonde
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

Did you hear about the blonde
She thought a quarterback was a refund.

Did you hear about the blonde
She tripped on the cordless phone

Did you hear about the blonde
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind

Did you hear about the blonde
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept

Did you hear about the blonde
At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here", she put Leo

Did you hear about the blonde
If she spoke her mind, she would be speechless

Did you hear about the blonde
When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved

Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
Because they can t fit the bottle in the typewriter

What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
OH, LOOK!! Donut seeds!!

What are two reasons why blondes don't mind their own business?
No mind. No business

Why did 18 blondes go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed

Two blondes were driving to Tokyo Disneyland when they saw a sign that read, "Tokyo Disneyland Left", so they turned around and went home

Why did the blonde dye her hair red?
Instant Intelligence!

Why do blondes drive BMWs?
Because they can spell it

Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
Because it kept falling out.

Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

How do you confuse a blonde?
Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Why does it work?
"Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"

Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).

What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A blond doing cartwheels.

What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
She missed the Earth!
 

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Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
She blew it both times!

What do a moped and a blond have in common?
They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.

How do you know when a blond's been in your fridge?
Lipstick on the cucumbers!

What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
All you have to do is scratch the box to win.

What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
About 2 cans of hair spray

What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
Pick them up off the floor.

Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
The vegetable garden.

What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
There have been sightings of UFOs.

What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
Frosted Flakes.

What do you call a blonde holding a brief case, up a tree?
The Branch Manager.

What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
Proof-reading.

How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Why do blondes love lightning?
They reckon somebody is taking their photo.

It's with tremendous sadness that I report a local blond girl has lost 95% of her brains....yes, her husband just died.

What's brown, red, black and blue?
A Brunette who's been telling one too many blonde jokes.

NEWSFLASH: Blonde girl fired from Banana plantation for throwing out all the bent ones.

Why couldn't the blonde manage to make Ice-Cubes?
She couldn't find the recipe.

What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
Because she blows the horn!

Why is a blonde like a door knob?
Because everybody gets a turn.

Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
Because she's been laid all over the country.

Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
She kept having affairs with men!

What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
She picks up her purse and goes home.

To a blonde, what is long and hard?
Grade 4.

What is the definition of gross ignorance?
144 blondes.

Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
Because at 69 they blow a rod...

What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.

Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
They both drip when they're fucked.

: How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
It swells at night.

A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
Locking the car door.

Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
She moved.

What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A blonde parade.

Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: On the back she saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: What does Star Trek's Dr Bones McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: Space. The final frontier..........

Q: What did the blond do when she missed the 66 Bus?
A: She took the 33 bus twice instead.

Q: Why do ya reckon Blonds don't have elevator jobs?
A: Cos they've no idea of the route.

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes Twinkle?
A: You shine a torchlight in her ear.

Q: Did you hear about the blond Bear?
A: Got stuck in a hunter's trap, chewed off it's 2 paws and 1 leg, and was still stuck.

Q: How does a stereotypical blonde spell Farm?
A: E-I-E-I-O.

Q: How do you measure their intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in their ear.

It's with great tragedy that I report my blonde next door neighbour tried to kill her toy poodle.
She tried putting batteries in it.

To amuse a Blonde for hours, give her a sheet of paper with 'Please turn over' scribbled on both sides.

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A: Frosted Flakes.
 

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Q: What do you call a blonde holding a brief case, up a tree?
A: The Branch Manager.

Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proof-reading.

Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: Why do blondes love lightning?
A: They reckon somebody is taking their photo.

It's with tremendous sadness that I report a local blond girl has lost 95% of her brains....yes, her husband just died.

Q: What's brown, red, black and blue?
A: A Brunette who's been tellin one too many blonde jokes.

NEWSFLASH: Blonde girl fired from Banana plantation for throwing out all the bent ones.

Q: Why couldn't the blonde manage to make Ice-Cubes?
A: She couldn't find the recipe.

blonde is on 1 side of a lake and yells 2 another blonde across the lake, 'How do I get 2 the other side?'
The other blonde yells back, 'U R on the other side!'

How do you keep a blonde busy all day?
Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner

What do u call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1987 world hide and seek champion.

 

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

 

What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.

 

Q : Why are blonde jokes so short?
A : So men can remember them.

Q : Why do men like blonde jokes so much?
A : Because they can understand them

Q : How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A : Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q : What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A : They're both empty from the neck up.

Q : Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A : From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK"

Q : Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A : So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills

Q : What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A : Far-from-thinking

Q : Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A : They keep breaking them with the hammers.

She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

She thought a quarterback was a refund.

She tripped on the cordless phone

She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind

She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept

At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here", she put Leo

If she spoke her mind, she would be speechless

When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved

Q : What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A : She slipped off and fell down the drain

Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her months to figure out she could use it at night

Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice? Because it said "concentrate"

What do you call 9 blondes standing in a circle? A dope ring

Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
Because they can t fit the bottle in the typewriter

What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
OH, LOOK!! Donut seeds!!

What are two reasons why blondes don't mind their own business? No mind. No business

Why did 18 blondes go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed

Two blondes were driving to Tokyo Disneyland when they saw a sign that read, "Tokyo Disneyland Left", so they turned around and went home

Why did the blonde dye her hair red? Instant Intelligence!

Why do blondes drive BMWs? Because they can spell it

 

 


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