Girl: Im like a radio,my mouth spkr,my left breast tuner, right 1 volume. Man:Can I try?(touches d breats)-no sound. Girl:U havent plugged in yet!

Nipple Nipple dont be far, can I press u in my car. Up above the chest so high, always milky never dry. Let me suck you, dont feel shy.

Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged

The sky is blue,grass is green,harder the fuck the louder the scream,louder the scream the better the fuck,give me a ring u might be in luck

Q:Who is stronger, Man Or Woman? A:A woman bcos she lifts 2 mountains on her chest while a man lifts 2 stones with the help of a crane.

A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex? His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.

Son on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what 2 do. MOM:Put ur biggest thng on her hairiest thng. SON:got my nose in her armpit. Now what?

rooster&cat goin over bridge,cat slips&falls in river.rooster cant stop laughin.wats D  moral? whereva therZ a wet pussy therZ a happy cock

LUV D WAY IT RUBS AGAINST D SOFT PINK FLESH N MAKES A CREAMY FOAMY LIQUID AS IT THRUSTS IN&OUT,UP&DOWN,CAN`T WAIT 4 NEXT TIME.LUV MY TOOTHBRUSH

They say sugar is sweet N honey is 2, but baby wat do I call U? U R sexier than sexy N hotter than that 2! therez only 1 name 4 U and it is '2 good 2 be true'!

SEX is My Fav. I Do it regularly. Do it & Feel Gd! U'll enjoy it! I'll Die w/out SEX, S-Sleep, E-Eat, X-xercise, So do it everiday, gd for u.

Press down... down more... Ok more... YES ahh ohh yes... almost there... yeah oh shit harder... SO GOOD...! mmmmm... That's how I sex on text!

The Police are looking for a suspect who is smart, sexy, witty & very good looking... So where are you gonna hide Me?

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.

Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and play the game!

Sex is a sensation caused by temptation when a man puts his location in a woman's destination. Do u get my explanation, or do u need a demonstration?!

MONEY: can buy a house, but not a HOME. can buy a clock, but not TIME. can buy sex, but not LOVE. So pass me all ur $ n let me suffer 4 U

Dear God, thank you for making me healthy. Can you also make me sexy? If you can't make me sexy, please make all my friends fat. Amen.

I need a hug, I need touch, I need tender, I need a kiss, I need love, I need sex, I need you!

U've got SEX APPEAL ... U've got INTELLIGENCE ... U've got CLASS ... U got da FACE, U got da BODY ... I got the wrong number ... SORRY

There is Hot-sex, Fast-sex, Group-sex, Safe-sex, Leather-sex, Telephone-sex, and for people with your face ...NO SEX !

What's the speed limit of sex? Sixty-eight! At 69 you have to turn around...

hey! what happen 2 your hp? tried calling alot of times. everytime i dial your no, operator kept sayin 'THE SUBSCRIBER U CALLING IS HAVING SEX, PLS TRY LATER'

1) This sms can only be read by a SEXY person: Try again...... Nothing? Sorry, i guess your just not SEXY..HEY! dont force it, ugly git

2) Yo mama's so ugly, even the elephant man paid to see her.

3) Ive got a tongue that'll blow ur mind let me hit u wid a 69 kiss me, caress me, slowly undress me I may seem defenceless, but baby I can fuck u senseless.

4) Don't be sad... don't feel blue... Frankenstein was ugly too...

5) Wat's the diff between pulling a curtain and a panty? ANS: When U pull a curtain, it means tat the show is over. But pulling down a panty means IT'S SHOWTIME!

6) I really, deeply wish tat u r here with me in my room, on my bed & lights is off & we get under the cover together.. 2 show u my.. new watch tat glow in the dark

7) What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support people are going to think we're nuts!

8) Why are women like parking spaces?... Bcoz the good ones are always taken and the rest are all disabled!

10) According 2 Chinese Docs, a WoMaN'S BoDy HaS Five RooMS:

1.FACE-show room

2.BOOBS-play room       

3.TUMMY-store room

4.VAGINA-men's room

5.ANUS-emergency room

11 )Hi i'm an alien i'm checking for some chicks in your phonebook searching..... searching..... searching..... sorry no chicks found. conclusion, your are gay!

12) RECIPE 4 LUV CAKE:spread legs,squeeze + massage milk pots,check frequently with midfinger,add banana,work in-out till well

13) I once had a One2One with a virgin, she teased me till i had an Erikson, sucked me till my face went Orange, till busted my Siemen all over her Nokias!

14) Humpty Dumpty fucked a fat whore, Humpty Dumpty blew on the floor. All the kings horses & all the kings men, laid the slut down & fucked her again!

15) NEWSFLASH:) Earthquake in Pakistan...50,000 dead...U.S.A sending money, France sending food, Britain sending replacement paki's!!!

16) i went for a walk with my uncle jim, when somebody threw a tomato at him, tomatos dont hurt i replied with a grin. they fucking well do when theyre still in the tin.....

17) Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, spontaneous, good-looking, nice friends, charming, funny, well...Enough about ME! How about you?

18) Beat me bash me bite my bum, ill whip u strip u til u cum, suck me fuck me lick me out, pull my nipples til i shout

19) Birdy birdy in the sky dropped a poopy in my eye, I don't worry I don't cry, I'm just happy that cows can't fly!

20) sex is a sensation. It's about a man's temtation, putting his location in a woman's destination. Do you understand the explanation or do you need a demonstration?

21) BOY : May I hold your hand ??
   GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy

22) GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
   BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

23)Advantages of breast milk
A. No need to boil
B. Cat cannot steal
C.available in attractive containers
D.Liked by all age groups
E.Ek Par Ek FREE

24)23 useless things in a man's body
20 nails cannot be hammered
2 balls u cannot throw
1 cock cannot crow
Don't laugh gals ur pussy cannot catch mouse

Kehte hai:  "aurat ke haath me barkat hoti hai!"    bilkul sahi hai,

"3 inch ki cheez haath me do to,   9 inch ki kar deti hai."

..………………………………………………………………………………………

A 7 yr boy being tried in court for rape. Wakil holding boy's penis:

"mi-lord, yek baccha kya rape kar sakta hai?

Boy "zyada mat hilao, nahi to case haar jayenge"

..………………………………………………………………………………………

What would one say while removing bra ?  Desh men nikla chand.

Her panty ?  Khulja simsim. While doing sex ?  Kya masti kya dhum !

After the chudai ?  Kamjor kadi kaun !

..………………………………………………………………………………………

Why is men's penis better than a credit card?

1. Once spend it will recharge itself.  

2. It is accepted worldwide.

3. U can let ur wife use it as much as she wants.

..………………………………………………………………………………………

25 useless things in a man's body:- 20 nails you can't hammer,

2 tits - you can't milk, 1 cock that does't crow,

2 balls you can't throw.  Hapy sunday! Dhachir pichur?

..………………………………………………………………………………………

Ek aadmi ladies toilet mein ghus jata hai. Ladies chilakar, "this is

4 ladies only".  Aadmi apna lund dikhakar, "this is also 4 ladies only".

..………………………………………………………………………………………

(q) what did the left boob say to the right boob?

(a) sab lafda neeche hota hai, hum khamakha pakde jate hai.

..………………………………………………………………………………………

Q:what do u have when u have sex with a judge, baker, architect?

A:judge - honourable discharge;   banker - premature withdrawal;   architect - illegal erection.

..………………………………………………………………………………………

If god made the top half of a woman, who made the bottom half?

A negro. Why?  Well, who else would give it curly hair, thick lips &

Make it smell like africa

..………………………………………………………………………………………

3 men discusing wives. 1st says my wife is very cold.

2nd says mine is very hot. 3rds a sardar, he says im confused,

I think she is cold but people say she is hot.

..………………………………………………………………………………………

5 days of girls:  1)love me, dont touch me.  2)touch me, don't kiss me.

3)kiss me, don't fuck me.  4)fuck me, don't forget me.

5)forget me, don't tell anyone.

..………………………………………………………………………………………

A boy to his girlfriend:  kaash mein panty hota,

To teri jannat se chipka hota.      Girl to boy:

Salay soch le, mein chuda rahin hoti, to tu koney mein pada hota.

..………………………………………………………………………………………

Couple 4 divorce arguing 4 son's custody.

W: i gave birth 2 him with pain & labour, so he's mine.

H: if i put coin in pepsi machine & pepsi comes, is it mine or machines?

..………………………………………………………………………………………

A sardar brngs 3 eggs n breks thm but nothing comes;

So he says: sala aajkal murge log bhi condms phene lage hai.

..………………………………………………………………………………………

Kudrat ne kya dia jamane ko, kudrat ne kya dia jamane ko,

Ek dia lagane ko, aur do dia dabane ko.

..………………………………………………………………………………………

Different types of voices during sex: english : oh yes, - oh yesss!

American : yeah baby, - yeaaaah! - indian : oooeee maaaa!

Pakistan : ahista bhaijaan! - jai hind!!!

..………………………………………………………………………………………

Men tells friends that his 5yr old son is very badmash coz he made our

Housemaid pregnant...! Ask how? Badmash punctured all my condoms with pin.

..………………………………………………………………………………………

Boyfrnd wan 2 hav sex w/gf. Ashamed of his small penis,

Decided 2 bring gf in dark place, opened his zipper

N put his penis on gf's hand. - gf: no thanks i don't smoke.

..………………………………………………………………………………………

Sardar ko chirag mila, ragda to jinn nikla. - kya hukum hai mere aaka?

Sardar - mera lund road touch kare aisa kuchh kardo. -

Jinn ne sardar ki dono tange kat di.

..………………………………………………………………………………………

Dr. Talks to patient getting no erection. - married? - no. -

U masterbat? - no. - u visit prosts? - no. - u've g'friends? - no. -

Toh phir khada karke kya calender taangega?

..………………………………………………………………………………………

New budget: all boobs to b taxed as per size:   38+ burden tax - 36+

Wealth tax - 35+ entrtainmnt tax - 34+ xitemnt tax - 30+ development tax.

..………………………………………………………………………………………

3 chinese fu, bu & chu went 2 the usa. They decided to americanize

Their name. Bu became 'buck', chu became 'chuck'

& fu decided to go back to china.

..………………………………………………………………………………………

Which is the smallest hotel in the world?

The answer - vagina inn.  It accomodates only 1 standing occupant

At a time with his 2 baggages left behind.

……..…………………………………………………………………………………

A small boy wrote to santa clause "send me a brother".

Santa wrote back "send me your mother".

……..…………………………………………………………………………………

Why is the golf called a wroung game!

Bcoz u hold a stick & put the balls in the hole instead of

Holding the balls & putting the stick in the hole!

……..…………………………………………………………………………………

1 day d pants of her boss was unzipped. She said, boss ur garages open.

Boss: did u c my ferrari? Sec: no i c a soooter with 2 punctured tyres.

……..…………………………………………………………………………………

Q)why do women love gold more than men?

A)bcoz gold has 22 carrots whereas men has only 1

……..…………………………………………………………………………………

Azhar ask sangita on their 1st nite.

"darling how did u like my shot between the 2 fine legs?"

She said "it was a good shot but u r not the opening batsman"

……..…………………………………………………………………………………

Diff btw commitg suicide n a virgin?

One is tryg to die n the othr is dying to try.

……..…………………………………………………………………………………

Newton's laws: 1)everyman has a pole, women has a hole.

2)when pole enter's hole, it produce a new soul.

3)when hand in motion it produce lotion.

………………………………………………………………………………………..

Pathan ki dosti jaan ka khatra, sardar ki dosti gand ka khatra,

Daru se dosti lever ko khatra, rand se dosti jeb ko khatra.

Abbey chodhu mard, khatro se khelte hai.

…..……………………………………………………………………………………

Wats the difference between a wife & a girlfriend? When ur g.f. touches

Your hair, ur dick stands! When ur wife touches ur dicks, ur hairs stands!

………………………………………………………………………………………..

Thero! Tau, sadharan condom se lalach mat kar,

Yeh biwi ki fuddi aur vikas ka mamla hai,

Do rupay ki chay kam pi lena, magar extra ribbed dandi condom hi lena.

..………………………………………………………………………………………

Man was sobbing in a bar, his frnd asked 'why'?

He said 'my wife is making me pay rs.2000 for every fuck!

Frnd said "u r lucky, she charges others rs.2500/- !!

..………………………………………………………………………………………

A lady went to doctor & ask him to make a hole near her hole.

The doctor 'why'? - lady: 'i want to start a side business'

..………………………………………………………………………………………

Love is a gamble! - sex is a game! - boys do the fucking! -

Girls get the blame! - 1night of pleasure, 9months of pain!!

1 day in hospital & junior needs a name.

..………………………………………………………………………………………

What is the diff. Between a sky & skirt?

A sky covers the whole universe! The skirt covers the universal hole!

..………………………………………………………………………………………

Smartboy + smartgirl= dating - smartboy + dumbgirl= affair -

Dumbboy + smartgirl= fun - dumbboy + dumbgirl= prengrancy.

..………………………………………………………………………………………

Mirianda condom- jor ka jhatka dheere se lage!

Mrf condom- extra rubber extra mileage!  Moov condom- ah se ahaa tak!

Pepsi condom- yeh dil mange more!  Coke condom- enjoying...

..………………………………………………………………………………………

Penis: when i was young they bath & powder me twice a day

But now they behave crualy, they put me in dark sticky hairy hole

& stroke me till .......  I vomite.

..………………………………………………………………………………………

Guys always say 'i love u' to girls but do u know the true meaning of it?

I = am - l = ooking - o = ver the - v = aginal - e = ntry -

Y = u must take - o = of ur - u = nderwear.

..………………………………………………………………………………………

What do u call 2 homos having sex = dandiya

What do u call a groups of homos having sex = disco dandiya

What do u call hundreds of homos having sex? Lathi charge

..………………………………………………………………………………………

Once 2 frnds go for a fuck to a prostitude?  1st one comes out & say

My wife is better! 2nd one comes out & say u r right, ur wife is better!

..………………………………………………………………………………………

Doctor say 'penis is the greatest breakfast'; bcoz

It has a mushroom head, a hot dog, 2 eggs & cream,

Which provides all the nutreints to make women healthy!

..………………………………………………………………………………………

2 ladies in a shower room!  1st: how come i've such a bush & u hav

Not got any hair there?  2nd: oh! Did u ever see grass on a busy street!

..………………………………………………………………………………………

Sardar xplaining son why not 2 go 2 prostis.

"puttar u go 2 prostis, tainu aids ho jayegi, phir teri wife nu,

Phir mainu, phir teri ma nu aur phir saare gaon nu.

……..…………………………………………………………………………………    

Man at medical shop wants  viagra -

Give extra dose as 3 girls are coming. Next day he wants iodex.

Why what happened? It is for my hand, the girls didnt come.

……..…………………………………………………………………………………

Girl: mom that guy gave me rs.10, to climb the coconut tree.

Mother: idiot! He fooled you, he wanted to see your panties.

Girl: i am smart, i didn't wear them at all.

……..…………………………………………………………………………………

He: andar gaya, she: ha! Gaya, he: dukha kya, she: zarabhi nahi,

He: aur ek baar, she: ab isme dalo, he: aacha laga, she: ha bahut.

He: ok, madam ka sandle pack karo.

……..…………………………………………………………………………………

Wife to hus: u were so drunk last night that u insulted ur boss.

Hus: piss on him. Wife: u did & he fired u. Hus: fuck him.

Wife: i did & u can work from monday.

………………………………………………………………………………………..

Why gandi never wore an underwear?  Bcoz he believed in the freedom of

Movement. & why he never screw virgins?  Bcoz he hated bloodshed.

….…………………………………………………………………………………….

A guy after 3 hours of sex says to his girlfriend:

-you'r not going to see me for a while.

Why she says? R u going to leave me? No he says, 'turn over'!!

…………………………………………………………………………..……………

It - was a - romantic - nite - he - took - me - to bed - opened -

All - my - cover's - inserted - his tongue - into my - hole - i was -

Melting - in his - mouth - thank god - i am polo - mint with a hole.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Zail singh fucking d brit queen... She moans o giani,giani.

He stops, glares back & says,

'Sadda lund tut gaya chod chod ke aur tu bolti gya nahin, gya nahin'?

………………………………………………………………………………………..

A small boy got horny and went to a pros whose rate ws rs 100 per trip.

He fucks her but pays only five bucks ! Why ? - ......... Coz -

Chhota cock paanch rupay !!

………………………………………………………………………………………..

== sars == - severe_ __ _ - absence of _ _ -

Romance and _ _ - sex _ _ _ _ _ _ - very deadly.

So b active and have romance & sex regulary 2 avoid sars.

………………………………..………………………………………………………

Son: dad, gajab ho gaya bhaiya darwaja nahi khol rahe.

Father: kal uski suhagraat thi.  Son: pata hai,

'Raat ko bhaiya ne vaseline maangi thi aur maine fevicol de di'!

………………………………..………………………………………………………

Jab tere chiku thy sab tere pichoo thy,

jab tere aam huae Sab pareshan huae,

jab tere kharbuje huae bade ajube huae,

Jab tere jhul gaye sab tuje bhul gaye.

………………………………………………………………………………………..

Arz kiya hai... Aankhon mein vahi jaam liye... Hothon pe vahi

Muskan liye... Kahan chali ho jaaneman seene pe dairy-farm liye!

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Policeman arrested a prostitude:

Pro.>"i'm not selling sex!" pol.>"then what are you doing?"

Pro.>"i'm selling condoms and offering a free demo"

……………………………………………………………………………………….

3 facts of life: 1)garib aur boobs hamesha dabte hai.

2)mushibat aur land kabhi bhi khade ho sakte hai.

3)kismat aur bra kabhi bhi khul sakti hai.

………………………………………………………………………………………..

A man goes to a prostitute, she asks him,” Are u married or single?"

He says "married" she replies,” sorry; we serve the needy, not the greedy."

…………………………………………………………..……………………………

Man's elbow collides into a lady's breast...

He: if ur heart's as soft as ur breast, you'll forgive me.

She: if ur dick's as hard as ur elbow, i'm in room 312.

…………………………………………………..……………………………………

Husband to wife: business is going down, if u learn 2 cook we can remove

Bavarchi. Wife: if u learn to fuck we can remove driver, gardner & watchman.

…………………………………………..……………………………………………

Son asks his dad, difference between love, relief and belief. Dad says:

Your mother is my love, maid is my relief, i am your dad this is my belief.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Inu.p. if lady fuck by 1 man *surname of child* eknathji, fuck by 2 *dubeji,

By 3 *trivedi, by 4 *chaturvedi, by 5 *pandeji, by everyone *mishraji*.

………………………………………………………………………………………..

Sharma ji aapni biwi se kehta hai: "maine ladka manga tha ladki

Kaise ho gayee".  Biwi: "tumhare bharose rehti to ye bhi nahi hoti".

………………..………………………………………………………………………

Bhagat kabir predicted sex status in computer age: "keht kabir suno bhai

Sadho, aisa din bhi ayega * sex hoga computer se aur baccha fax se ayega.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Namaskar aaj ka taapmaan 44 degree honey ki sambhavana hai. Kripaya apni

Girlfriend ki bra mein baraf rakkhein varna doodh fatney ka khatra hai.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Pakistani boy was fucking his sister. Sister:bhaijaan, aap ka lund

Abbajan se bada hai. Boy answers: ammijaan bhi yahi kehti hai...

……………………………………………………………………………………….

----ji namaskar, mai kbc se amit bol raha hoon, apki wife hotseat me

Bethi hai, agli awaj apki wife ki, aaaaa.ouch.aaii re.bapre.mar gayi.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

What is the difference between riding a bicycle & riding a woman?

Riding a bicycle u fix ur ass & move ur legs,

Riding a woman u fix ur legs & move ur ass!!

………………………………………………………………………………………..

Sardar drops soap while bathing, bends down 2 pick it up

& sees his ass in the mirror & gets an erection.

Tells his penis 'baith ja saale, apni hi gand hai'!

…………..…………………………………………………………………………...

Smaller the bus, larger the queue, smaller the skirt, better the view.

……….………………………………………………………………………………

Tame je choot no sampark sadhva mango chho, te halma vyast chhe.

Krupya bathroom ma jai ne muthiya mari leva vinati. Sender: hutch care

………………………………………………………………………………………..

Door gaon mein ek basti thee.... Jahan randiyan bahut sasti thee....

Unki gand mein itni masti thee.... Jitna chodo utna hasti thee.... (aap ky

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Body aise nahi banti "dudh shudh peena padta hai". (.)(.) Samje kya.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Sardar tells his wife i have got old age pension

By showing grey hair of my chest,

Wife says, 'zip khol ke dikha dete to disability pension bhi mil jati'.

………………………………………………………………………………………..

Seeing a horse's full erection - son: ye kya hai? - mom: nothing -

Son 2 dad: ye kya hai? - mom: kaha na nothing! -

Dad: haa - beta, teri mom ke liye to ye bhi mothing hai!

…..……………………………………………………………………………………

Malkin (naukrani se): tum kisi kam ki nahi.

Naukrani: sex me to apse behtar hoon.

Malkin: kya tumhare malik ne kaha.

Naukrani: nahi apke driver ne.

………………………………………………………………………………………..

Mother ask daughter: ow is married life?

Daughter shyly says: "like jet airways".

Mother reads the ad & is shocked, 7 days a week, twice a day, both ways.

………………………………………………………………………………………..

What did shewag's mother's msg read after aussies made a huge score?

"beta, karlo susu chaddi mein".

………………………………………………………………………………………..

A sardarni went 2 a swimming pool in a bra & panty.  The coach says,

"mam, here 2-piece costume is not allowed". Sardarni asks "kaun sa utaroo"

………………………………………………………………………………………..

Gaon ki gori badi hi bholi, bra utaari panty kholi, bed pe soli,

Ghagra utha ke mujhe boli - 'nikaal pichkari khele holi' "happy holi"

..………………………………………………………………………………………

College me ek ladki ke jeans ki zip khuli thi, toh ek ladka jaakar bola,

"miss, apke tajmahal ka darwaza band kijiye,

Yahan hamare qutub-minar hil rahe hai".

..………………………………………………………………………………………

Stay humble, be faithful, offer hope, work diligently,

Fight fairly, live simply, fuck deeply, sex regularly,

Aahhhh thats what u call "art of living".

..………………………………………………………………………………………

Wife reads an article.

"wow! A bull can have sex 3000 times a year. I wish u could do the same".

Hubby replies, "ask the bull whether it is the same cow!"

..………………………………………………………………………………………

(i)bush shows his penis: this is power of america,

(ii)queen shows her pussy: this is beauty of u.k.,

(iii)vajpayee show his ass: this is partition of india & pakistan.

..………………………………………………………………………………………

"fuck u" that means:-

F= flowers for u, u= unlimited love for u, c= chocolate not

Sweeter than u, k= kisses for u, u= u always in my mind. So fuck u.

..………………………………………………………………………………………

A 'command' boy asked an 'airtel' girl, what is ur speciallity?

Airtel girl answered, (i)"whole night incoming free",

(ii)"no service & no maintaince charges.

..………………………………………………………………………………………

Girls hostel mein light chali gayi to ladkiyan chillayeen "kisi admi

Ko bulao"... Warden boli "bahut rat ho gayi hai, mombatti se kam chalao"

.……………………………………………………………………………………….

Zindagi hai kya, ek armaan bhosdika, aurat ke pehche insaan bhosdika,

Plastic ke land, ribber ke chuten , kya kya bana raha hae japan bhosdika.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Sardarni- "meri bra utaro". Sardar- "ye le".

Sardarni- "ab panty bhi utaro". Sardar- "ye bhi le".

Sardarni- "khabardar agar aaga se mere undergarments pahne to"!

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Stil a virgin - because no kia. - why no kia? - because no erricson.

Why no erricson? - because no siemans. Why, - bcos no motalaura, so

Looking for re-alliance.

..………………………………………………………………………………………

Harbhajan singh gets married. During suhag raat he asks his wife,

"r u a virgin?"  she replies, "kar di na sardaron wali baat,

Spinner ko kabhie nayi ball milti hai"?

..………………………………………………………………………………………

Sardar asks his wife; -  tell me a joke in which i'm not involved?

Wife: "i'm pregnant"

..………………………………………………………………………………………

Roses are red, violets are blue.

My dog is pregnant because of - ............ - "you"!!!

……………………………………………………………………………………….

English man asks sardar, "hello, how do you do?"

Sardar: "i don't know about you but we remove chaddi and do !"

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Shahjahan murkh tha jo crore kharche taj par,

Roj ek mumtaj aa jati crore ke byaz par.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Boy: wah kya sandel hai tumara. Girl: utaru kya.

Boy: is se to acchi teri skirt hai...

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Why madras is named chennai?

Coz madrasis wear lungi in which there is no zip.., chen-nai, samje.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

When does skin meet skin? Hairs meet hair? And balls disappear?? -

Think.........u - dirty - mind......it happens when u blink ur eyes!

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Why do cows have cells?  Because their horns dont work.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

A psychotherapist realised that his patients have

Stopped coming 2 his clinic. He cudnt make out why,

Until he realised the new name plate says ... Psy cho 'the rapist'

Arz kiya hai: jawani mai kuch is kadar se kho doo apna aapa,

Jis gali se nikalo bachhen bole, papa papa papa

Q: WHO IS A GYNASCOLGIST? A: HE IS THE ONLY FOOL ON THE EARTH WHO

LOOKS FOR PROBLEMS, WHERE MOST PEOPLE FIND PLEASURE.

ONCE A SAINT WENT TO A PROSTITUTE & AFTER COMPLETING THE ACTIVITY

WHILE HE WAS LEAVING, THE PROSTITUDE ASKED, 'BABA PAISE',

BABA REPLIED, 'PAGLA...... TUJHSE THODI LOONGA'!

COME TO ME... - TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS AND UNDER WEAR. GET ON TOP OF ME,

ENJOY TIL YOU GET SATISFIED - LOVINGLY YOUR'S, - == -

"'I____"TOILET" - -.T""""") - _?__(

1960 GIRL: PEHLA PEHLA PYAR HAI, CHALI BAHAR HAI,  AJA SAJNA TERA INTZAR HAI.

2003 GIRL: PAHLA PYAR HAI, DUSARI/TISARI BAR HAI,  AJA MORE SAJNA VARNA DUSARA TAYAR HAI.

Years ago, u came into this world naked and screaming. My god, how things have changed! Now when u r naked somebody else does the screaming.

Ladka ladki dono lafange,

Ek palang par dono nange,

Ladki ko lagi thund,

Ladke ne nikala lund,

Ladki ne taange kholi,

Advance main Happy Holi.

SAM: When I get home I’m gonna rip off my wife’s knickers.

TOM: Why?

SAM: Coz the elastic has been killing me all day.

Car sales man to call girl: Aaj agar car na biki to mera baja baj jayega.

Call Girl: Aur aaj agar mera baja na baja to meri car bik jayegi.

Finally 21 and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing since 15.

Girls are like internet domain names... the ones I like are already taken.

A man is dying of cancer. His son asked him “ Dad, why do u keep telling people u’re dying of AIDS? Ans: So when I am dead no one dare touch ur mom.

Suhag raat ko kisi ne dulhe ka darwaja nock kiya to dulhan bhag ke door ke piche chup gai. Dulha bola kya hua. Wo boli maine socha raid pad gai.

Small boy pulls down his shorts and asks girl. “Do u have dis?”

Small girl lifts her skirt and says my mom says if u have this u can get plenty of those.

Men’s “F” Rules:-

Find her, Follow her, Friend her, Flirt with her, French kiss her, Finger her, Force her, Fuck her and then Forget her and Find next.

What is the similarity between butter and women?

Both have 2 be spread 2 use.

What is the difference between a parachute and a condom?

If a parachute bursts then a life is lost.

If a condom bursts a life is born.

What did ramu say when he saw a surgical glove?

Oye shyam lagta to condom hai per shayad draupadi ke zamane ka hai.

Lady lost 3 panties. She blamed her maid in front of her husband. The maid said, “Saab aapko to maloom hai ki main andar kuch nahi pehenti.”

Teacher ask pupils to draw female reproductive organ. A girl shy looking DOWN. Sardar boy shouts, “Miss, she is copying.”

There are 4 ways to love-

Hand in hand

That in hand

Hand in that

That in that

Girl’s reaction to penis sizes-

9”: Oh! Shit, It pains.

7”: Oh! Yes, Oh no.

6”: Ohhh! Perfect.

5”: Ohmm! Ok.

4”: Push More.

3”: Is it in?

2”: Idiot! Just use your tongue.

Munna bhai says: “Life mein 3 cheezon ke peeche kabhi nahi bhaagne ka. Bole to…..BUS………TRAIN………aur………….LADKI…………bole to inpe sidha chad jaane ka.

Do ladka ladki…..aha!

Raat ke andhere me….aha!

Jhaari ke pichhe….aha!

Daba daba ke ….aha!

Chus chus ke….aha!

Frooti pe rahe the…

1960 girl: jiya bekarar hai, aaja mere saajna tera intezaar hai.

2004 girl: jiya bekarar hai, aaja mere saajna, warna dusra taiyaar hai.

Ronie: what do u think of women?

Tony: they r all sexy objects?

Ronie: how?

Tony: when I ask them about sex they object.

If a man goes to bed with 2 women how many animals will be in the bed?

Ans: 12………..6 calves, 3 asses, 2 pussies and 1 absolutely dead cock.

He said: "I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it."

She said: "You wear underpants, don't you?"

Why don't blondes talk whilst having sex?

Because their mums told them not to talk to strangers!

How to impress a woman: compliment her, kiss her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her

How to impress a man: Show up naked, bring beer

-I like your style ... I like your class ... but most of all I like your ass

-A woman is a marvellous creation, she produces milk without eating grass, she bleeds without being hurt, gets wet even when it does not rain and sucks without needing power.

-When I was a baby, I played with toys. Now I'm a lady and I play with boys!!

-If you are raped and you cannot defend yourself... keep still and enjoy it !

Ques. What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

Ans. U can unscrew a light bulb.

How do u teach a blonde maths?

U subtract her clothes

Divide her legs

2 OVARIES WERE TLKIN AND 1 SAID 2 THE OTHER R U GETTIN NE NEW FURNITURE THEN 1 HAD A PEEK OUT AND SAID WELL I WERNT EXPECTING NE BUT 2 NUTS R PUSHIN IN A BIG ORGAN!!

A MAN PULLS OUT A PACKET OF OLYMPIC COLOURED CONDOMS.HIS WIFE ASKS "CAN U WEAR THE SILVER 1 IT WOULD B NICE 4 U 2 COME 2ND 4 A CHANGE.

Worried mother gives her daughter a pack of condoms before a hot date. Girl laughs and hugs her mother -- "Times have changed, Mum. I'm dating Susan!

A woman goes into hospital for a fanny transplant...... But the surgeons can't start the opp, as the replacement CUNT is reading this message!!...

Essex girl enters sexshop & asks 4 a vibrator. Man sez- Pick from our range on de wall. Lady sez ill take de red 1. Man sez U CANT DATS OUR FIRE EXTINGUISHER!

"Dad what does a vagina look like before sex?" “A pink rose with lovely soft petals and a perfume aroma” "And after sex?" “Ever seen a bulldog eat mayonaise?”

man comes home & says 2 wife “look gold olimpic condoms...& im gonna wear the gold 1 2nite” wife says “coodnt u wear the silver 1 & come second for a change

tramp walks in2 a jewellers & casually starts 2 pick his own arse, shop assistant screams get out, tramp points 2 sign - COME IN AND PICK YOUR RING IN COMFORT

A man said 2 his doctor ‘everytime I look in the mirror I get an erection' the doctor said 'That's because u look like a cunt!

MAN:Darling u have the face of a Saint WIFE:u say the sweetest things which saint? MAN:A f***ing St Bernard of course

Jelly Baby goes 2 the Dr & says "Dr i've got aids" Dr replys "U cant have aids ur a jelly Baby" Jelly Baby says "yes but Dr i've been shagging ALLSORTS!

chicken and egg in bed,chicken has head on pillow smoking.Egg rolls over pissed off saying"i guess we answered that question"

A teacher ask"wot part of the body goes to heaven first?"A child replies"feet- coz every nite i c my mum with her feet in the air screamin GOD I'M COMIN!

Little Girl:"Mommy I just found out that the little boy next door has a penis like a peanut" Mommy:"u mean its small?"Little Girl:"No its salty"

an essex girl has a car crash and an ambulance arrives.the paramedic asks 'how many fingers have i got up?'the girl replies- oh shit i think im paralised too

BOY: mummy y u jumpin on daddy MUM:2 flaten his tummy BOY: but mummy it wont work MUM: y? BOY: cos the woman from nxt door cums in da mornin 2 blow him up again

a mad scientist makes a self lubricatin fanny & givs it 2 his wife.she asks "wot am i supposed 2 do with that?" he replies "teach it to cook & den fuck off!

Cat & Rooster walkin near d pool,Cat falls in d pool,Rooster starts laughin,Moral of d story?..Wen ever theres a happy cock theres a wet pussy!

GIRL:y do cows look so depressd wen dey r being milkd? TEACHER:if u got up early every mornin & dey rubbed ur tits 4 2 hours & didnt fuck u wood u b pissed off

Bad wolf told red riding hood "lift up ur top so i can suck ur tits" "NO" she said lifting her skirt.."eat me like the book says!"

MUM: didnt i tell you that if a guy touches your boobs say DON’T & if he touches your pussy say STOP! GIRL: but mum he touched both so i said DONT STOP!

A man woz arranged 2 b married!He had a choice of 3 women!1st woz a rich docter.2nd woz a poor cleaner & 3rd woz a prostitute!WHO DID HE PICK?da 1 wiv big tits!

A little boy goes 2 his mum & says 'mum how do u spell clitoris? she replys go & ask ur dad it was on the tip of his tongue las nte!

A cat tries 2 get a sausage out of a river but gets its paws wet.den it sees a bigger 1 but falls in!MORAL OF THE STORY?The bigga da sausage da wetter da pussy.

Viagra now available in eye drops, you don't get an erection but you look fucking hard!

The weight of an average pair of tits is 1.5 kg. Scientists have yet 2 work out the average weight of a cunt. So if u could pop on the scales and ring me back..

i went up 2 a women in a nite club and says "the names bond" she replied james bond i replied no uni bond i have come to fill your crack in.

Did you hear about the mouse who took Viagra? Half an hour later he was walking around the kitchen shouting: "Where's the Fucking Pussy now

wot is a woman's arsehole doin while she's avin an orgasm?
He's down the pub avin a pint!

what does a DWARF get when he walks between womens legs? A CLIT ROUND THE EAR!!!!

ever wondered y women wear black panties? its a way of saying:IN MEMORY OF THOSE WHO WHERE BURIED HERE.

Mr&Mrs Blobby r lyin in bed 1 nite Mrs Bloby turns 2 mr bloby & says 'bluba lluba lupblub' mr bloby turns & says 'shut the fuck up and swallow bitch!

why do men have their best ideas during sex?..... coz there plugged
into a fuckin GENIUS!!!

If u had sex 365 times in 12 months & u melted down the condoms to make a tyre.what would u call it?........... a f**king Goodyear

How do you piss off an archeologist? Show her a used tampon and ask her wot period it came from!

4SALE- MY COCK.DONE A FEW KAYS.STIL UNDER WARANTY.TWIN TANKS SHAVED & POLISHED HEAD.SLIGHTLY WORN. 9"INCH STIFF.GOES HARD & FAST.NEEDS HEAD JOB!$50.00...ONO

Latest porn releases:shaving private ryan.position impossible.as big as it gets.forest hump.riding miss daisy.starwhores and pornocchio

23 useless parts on a mans body.20 nails u cant hammer.2 balls u cant throw &1 cock that cant "crow".dont laff ladies??URE PUSSY CANT CATCH MICE

Why do women have orgasms during sex???It gives them something to moan about even when they are fucking enjoyin themselves.

Today its cool to have small cars and small computers.Soon it will be cool to have a small penis too.then you my friend will be THE MAN!!

girls reaction 2 penis sizes: 9'' ooh shit pain 7'' ooh yes shit 6'' ooh perfect 5''mmmm ok 4'' push more 3'' is it in 2'' just use ur fuckin tongue.

UR NETWORK IS CHANGIN ITS PRICE PLAN.ITS DETERMINED BY UR COC SIZE.AS FROM NOW UR CALLS ARE FREE!!!!

Im sorry i couldn't take your call or respond to your message... I was at the doctor having a mole removed from my dick.I'll never fuck a mole again, ever.

T-MOBILE regrets 2 inform u that the network has gone down on everyone except u.We regret 2 inform u that no one would go down on u.not even a network

HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN: caress excite cuddle fascinate spoil kiss rub tease pamper console worship respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN: blow job

there is hot sex.fast sex.group sex.safe sex.leather sex.telephone sex and for people wiv a face like urs theres.............masturbation

When i was a girl i had a little quim.i sat upon my bed & put a finger in.now im a woman & full of grace & charm.I can get 4fingers in & HALF MY FUCKIN ARM!!

CHINESE SUNDAY BUFFET MENU:*chu sum twat *suc mi pork *lic mi clit *tungsum chick *goo in hand *fuc sum now *gulp sum kum *cho kon it "ENJOY UR MEAL!

(_!_)An arse (__!__)Fat arse (!)Tight arse (_?_)Dumb arse (_*_)Sore arse (_zzz_)Tired arse (_E=mc2_)Smart arse (_x_)Kiss my arse!!

I only have SEX on days that begin with T: Thanksgiving. Tuesday. Thursday. Today. Tomorrow. Thaturday. thunday.. Every thucking day!

GOVERNMENT WARNING:Eating pussy is bad for your health coz its 5% urine 3% acidic 2% fat,and 90% addictive!! EAT MODERATELY & ENJOY! XX
 

Luv-U-Always - Visit the world's LARGEST website of LOVE.

SMS Directory - World's LARGEST directory of SMSs.

Immortal Stories - Contains hundreds of inspirational stories, articles, poems and inspirational pictures.

Theres a town in Hearts called Tilet n a pub called The Cockwell Inn Lucy Likes lives there her address is - Lucy Likes The Cockwell Inn Tilet Hearts

Why is Sex a 3 letter word? Its easier to spell than... OHMYGODYESNOOSSHITYESDEEPER- YESGODNOPLEASENOSHITYESOH- SHITFUCKNOYESYESYESSHITOH.

i asked god 4a flower he gave me a garden.i asked god 4a tree he gave me a forest.i asked god 4a cunt he gave me your number.

I wish I was a teddy bear, that lay upon your bed, so everytime you cuddled it, you cuddled me instead

Luv is a sensation dat is caused by temptation.a boy puts his location in a girls destination.do u get my explanation or do u wanna demonstration?

Sex is good sex is fine.doggy style or 69.just for fun or gettin paid every1 likes getting laid!So txt me bak & wiv sum luck ull earn urself a scrumptious f**k

I like your style- I like your class- but most of all i like your arse!

Do you like maths?if so add a bed subtract ur clothes divide your legs and we can multiply!

ive lost my teddy bear.......do u want to sleep with me tonight?

I want triplets You want twins.Lets get in bed and see who wins!

Of all the babes ur my selection.please dont giv me a rejection.my teeth are clean for ur
Inspection so giv my mouth a tongue injection!

If your right leg was thanksgiving and Your left leg was Christmas could I meet U between the holidays?

Being a student is so much fun.wen u have degrees in playin wiv tongues.if u be my teacher in how tongues flex.we'll both graduate in hot oral sex!

Roses are red.voilets are corny.when i think of you babes it makes me so HORNY!!!

RUDE FLIRT

What is the Maximum speed for sex?? 68 cuz wen u reach 69 u av 2 turn round..

hello baby drunk & gaggin,wots d story fancy shaggin,dont b scared its jus 4 fun & in d morning off u run.so if u want me in d sak hurry up n tx me bk!

Sex is evil and evil's a sin.but sins are forgiven so lets get stuck in!!

id grab u id bite u id really xcite u.id lic u id suc u id totally f**k u.ud b beggin 4 mercy& beggin 4 mor cz f***ing wiv me is neva a bore

Trick me lick me hold me kiss me.touch me tease me come and please me.when im stressed i need a press so come on baby do ur best!

LETS PLAY WAR!! You lay down and i'll blow the shit out of you!

Id fuck you standing Id fuck u lying.If I had wings Id fuck you flying,if u were dead ur not forgotten ill dig you up & fuck u rotten!

ill giv u kisses.ill giv u flowers,ill take u 2 bed & fuck u 4 hours.i promis u dis it wont be a bore.cos 1 nite wiv me & ull be bak 4 more!

Roses are red Pickles are green.I love your legs & whats in between!

lip lockin body rockin.dick suckin all nite fuckin.tongue teasin.hand pleasing.loads of lustin 2 much thrustin.now ur gaggin lets get shaggin!

roses r red poems r corny take me 2bed cos im feelin horny.wen roses r red they r ready 2b plucked.wen i c u nxt ur gonna get fucked!

There are 256 bones in your body! Would u like another?

The sky is blue the grass is green.the harder i fuck the louder the scream.the louder the scream the harder i fuck.so gimme a ring n u mite b in luck!

CHAT UP LINES

do u believe in love at first site or do i have to walk by again

if i cood re arrange da alphate i wood put u and i together

ive lost my teddy bear.......do u want to sleep with me tonight?

Old chinese proverb says "man with erection walking through door sideways is always going to Bangkok"

They say man with hand in bush not allways gardener. Man with tool in mouth not always dentist. Man who squirts cream in tart not always baker.

Fact: a woman can guide a 1.5" diameter penis into an inch diameter vagina in the pitch dark without looking, but can't park a 6ft car in a 10 ft space in daylight.

What sexual position do you have to be in to make the most ugliest kid?…. ask your parents

Movie Ratings explained: U: No body gets the girl, PG: the good guy gets the girl, 18: the bad guy gets the girl, x: everyone gets the girl

Scientists have discovered that most women will, at some point in time, contain intelligent DNA...... Unfortunately, 95% of them spit it out again!

What 2 things in the air can make a girl pregnant? HER FEET

i P3P33U X35 5I 7VJO i hUJOH O5 W,I 35V37d 3W d73H
Can you crack the code? No? ....... OK go back and turn the fone upside down!!

Question? Whats the similarity between a dick and a rubix cube?
Answer The more u play wiv them the harder they get

WOMEN'S PRAYER: As you lay me down to mate.I pray you don't prematurely ejaculate.But if you cum b4 I do I hope your tongue will see me through. Amen!!!

At the ultimate point of a woman's orgasmic climax what is her asshole normally doing?Drinking down the pub with his mates

A girl who opens her hands recieves gifts.who opens her heart recives love.who opens her legs recieves happenis

I met this prostitute who charges by the inch.no good to me but she'd be a cheep fuck for you!

Q:Why were hurricanes usualy named after women? A:Because when they arrive they are wet and wild.but when they go they take your house and the car.

whats the difference between licking pussy and getting mugged? When your licking pussy you see the cunt coming

Zippy & Bungle,went 2 da jungle havin sum marvelous fun.Zippy got silly popped out his willy & stuck it up Bungles bum!

Sex+drugs+rock+rave.lets get drunk & misbehav.on weed+speed+little e's.wel get drunk & talk2 trees.u only live once & den u die so fuck em all & lets get high

If the sea was vodka & I was a duck Id swim 2 the bottom & drink my way up!But the sea aint vodka & I aint a duck but im stil always drunk so who givs a fuck!

Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy.Is it d gin dat makes u slip in.Is it d rum dat makes u cum!

Life is like a dick! When it's hard Fuck it!

Whats the closest thing to a womans period?Your salary. It comes once a month.lasts About 3 or 4 days and if it doesnt come everythings fucked.

Virginity is like a balloon one prick and it's gone forever!

Sex is like a pack of Pringles! Once you pop you can't stop!!

Why is a woman like a bucket of KFC?Because once your past the tender breast and the juicey thigh all u have left is a greasy box to put your bone in!

if u were a drum id bang u.if u were a pig id pork u.if u were a flower id root u.if u were a nail id screw u.but cos ur a sweetie ill make love 2 u!

QUESTION)Wots the difference between ur job & ur girlfriend? ANSWER)ur job always sucks!!!!!

A mini's a mini a jag's a jag.but what is a kiss without a shag?

HOW MANY ANIMALS CAN U FIT IN A PAIR OF TIGHTS? 10 little piggies 2 calves 1 ass 1 pussy 1 beaver loads of hares & 1 smelly fish!

The grand old duke of york. He had ten thousand men, And when he had the energy he had them all again

jack and jill went up the hill so jack could lick jills fanny but poor jacks gob was filled with knob cause jills a fucking tranny.

Mary Mary quite contrairy how does your garden grow? Listen you twat i live in a flat so how the fuck do i know.

spider spider on the wall.u think ur smart u know fuck all.ur on a wall dats just been plastered.now ur stuck u stupid bastard!

Jack & Jill went up da hill 2 have a little fun.But stupid Jill forgot da pill and now they have a son.

Mary had a little lamb its coat was full of fleas and what more is that the little cunt had foot and mouth disease

Old mother Hubbard went 2 d cupboard 2 fetch d poor dog a bone.but when she bent over Rover took over & gave her a bone of his own!

little miss druggy sat in her buggy smoking an ounce of weed along cam a spider skinned up beside her and sold her a kilo of speed

little jack horner satin his corner licking his girlfriend dry.he stuck in his tongue- licked out some cum and said fuck this is better than pie.

Hickory dickory dock.dis bitch woz suckin me cock.da clock struck 2 i dumped me goo & dropped her at da end of da block!

Twinkle twinkle little rectum.big cocks cum when you least expect them.never mind the screams of passion.pop it up her doggy fashion!

Mary had a little lamb she kept it in da backyard.wen she took her panties off his wooly dick got hard!

Humpty Dumpty fucked a fat whore.Humpty Dumpy spunked on the floor and all the kings horses and all the kings men bent the bitch over and fucked her again!

Peter Peter Pumpkin eater.had a wife & liked to beat her.smacked her twice around da head. F**ked her arse & went 2 bed!

Jack & Jill went up the hill 2fetch a pale of water.we dont no wot they did up there but they came back wiv a daughter

Mary had a little lamb & tied it to a pylon a 1000 volts shot up its ass & turned it into nylon

jingle jangle silver bangle Im gonna fuck u from every angle.lipsy dipsy laalaa po if u give me a fuck i'll give u a blow!

Mary Mary quite contrary trim that pussy its too damn hairy!!!
 

Luv-U-Always - Visit the world's LARGEST website of LOVE.

SMS Directory - World's LARGEST directory of SMSs.

Immortal Stories - Contains hundreds of inspirational stories, articles, poems and inspirational pictures.

Mirror Mirror on the wall.Whos the fairest of them all?The mirror laughed Den made a grunt- It sure aint u.u ungly cunt!

twinkle twinkle little knob how she likes it in her gob.wen she feels that certain twitch she pulls it out the spitful bitch!

Mary had a little bike her seat was back 2 front & every time she pulled the brakes the seat went up her cunt.

If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut!
 

Children playin outside cars can cause accidents.but adults playin inside cars can cause children by accident!

Agar kamyabi chahtay ho to en do cheezon ke hifazat karo
1. woh cheez jo 32 datoon k darmeyan hay.
2. woh cheez jo 2 tangoon k darmeyan hay.

Sex is my favorite sport it's free and you don't need special shoes

SEX INSTRUCTOR FIRST LESSON FREE!!!

Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself

Sex isn't the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.

I Gave Up Drinking, Smoking, And Sex. It Was The Worst 15 Minutes Of My Life.

100,000 sperm and You were the fastest?

This face is leaving in 5 minutes! Would you like to be on it?

Nice legs! What time do they open?

You must have a mirror in your knickers because I can see myself in them.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk past you a second time.

F#ck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Kelly.

Do you cum here often?

This is your lucky day because I just happen to be single.

Is that a ladder between your legs or a stairway to heaven.

Do you know why you should masturbate with these two fingers? (hold up any two fingers)
Most common response: No, why?
Because they're mine.

I'm a bit shy...I'd like to have sex with you, you do not have to say yes, just smile to me!

I think I have BSE on my penis ...... all women who experienced it go crazy !

Eva stood in the river washing her cunt when God comes running to her and shouts: EVA EVA STOP, I WON'T GET THE SMELL OF THE FISH.

Do you know why a waterbed needs to be filled with seawater?...For the mussels need to be able to open.

Screw calmly and without worries, if you do not come today, it may happen tomorrow !

Women are like little children, they put everything they see in their mouth.

The boy puts his information in her communication and together they make population!

What is the resemblance between a windscreen wiper and a woman? ... When they are wet, they do not squeak any more!

The first day we met,I wanted you in my bed.Today I'll know better,so I'll write it in my letter.In my bed I've seen so many faces,so I'll fuck you at different places

A good neighbour is better dan an inflatable doll !

God created the world in SIX days But it took him centuries... to come up with someone...as "HOT" ... as "SEXY" ... as "Fuckable" ... *..As "YOU!" .. *

Text messaging is like a blow-job off an amateur prostitute; short...sweet and always cheap!!!

What is the smallest airplane in the world,a cunt... Only one man fits in it, he needs to stand, his luggage stays outside and he still gets off ...

Are mice giving you trouble? No? Than you must have a good pussy!

Are these your eyes? I found them between my brests!

Sex is like Nike, just do it.

Never dance naked because the body has parts that do not stop moving when the music stops.

How does a vagina look before sex? Like a lovely pink rose! And after sex? Ever seen a Bulldog eating Mayonaise??

When I was born I got the choice, or a major dick, or a fine memory. I am not able to remember what I did choose.

Masturbation, don't knock it, it's sex with someone I love...

Do you know why smurfs always laugh? Because the grass always tickles their little balls!

What is the difference between a man and a dildo?......... A man is a REAL PRICK!!!!

The best anti-virus program for a computer is SAFE-SEX.
Leave the plastic cover on the floppy when inserting in drive.

If you don't like oral sex than keep your mouth shut!!

Sex is good for your stomach muscles and much more fun than fitness

The difference between erotic and perverted:
Erotic = caress the vagina with a beautiful white whisp
Perverted = do the same thing with a whole chicken.

A guy walks up to a girl and says: Wanna play *Magic*? She says: What's that? .....He says: We go to my place, have sex and than you dissappear.....

What did Eva shout when she wanted to have SEX ?? ............. ADAM WHERE ARE YOU !!

you do not have to be good to be the best as long as you are better than all the rest!!

What does position 68 mean........You are doing me and I owe you one!!

What you never want to hear while having good sex?? ............. "Honey, I am home!"

Why does a woman have two pair of lips?................... One is for fighting and one is to make up.

What is the resemblance between a woman and a condom?................ They both fit around your dick and are present in your wallet

American students say:.....people who never experience good sex and do not perform well in bed, usually read their SMS messages with their right hand

A woman is like a pair of rubber boots. When they are dry, you cannot enter them, when they are wet, they smell and when you walk on the street with them, people laugh at you.

Message from you provider: Your dildo is disturbing our network. Turn it off or continue manually. Thanks for your cooperation.

I do not have the muscles of Stallone, I am not as handsome as Brad Pitt, I am not as strong as Schwarzenegger, but I can lick as good as Lassie!!!

Do you know the highest level you can reach during sex? ................................. no?...................................... Bungler !

By opening this message you activated the dildo of your girlfriend. She thanks you moaning...You have now become unnecessary.

Pornography tells lies about women, but the truth about men.

Searching(sex)......Done...Everybody is having sex at this very moment....Wait a sec...There is only one sucker reading this message!

I'm not a breast man, I'm a breast person.

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

My girlfiend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though.

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's a pretty good one.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
 

Luv-U-Always - Visit the world's LARGEST website of LOVE.

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Immortal Stories - Contains hundreds of inspirational stories, articles, poems and inspirational pictures.

Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.

It's better to be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother.

It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.

Like most men, I am consumed with desire whenever a lesbian gets within twenty feet.

Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is one hundred percent.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better.

My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.

Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy.

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

When a woman gets ready to go out she tries to look: sophisticated, attractive if not sexy, but just out of reach - a man just puts on his lucky boxers!

There once was a woman from leeds, who swallowed a packet of seeds in half an hour her tits were a flower and her twat was a bundle of weeds

U know what's the difference between u getin laid, and pope getin laid? If pope get laid it a Sin, if u get laid it a Miracle :)

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

Bride's Dad hands a note to the groom: 'GOODS DELIVERED ARE NOT RETURNABLE.' Groom gave another note back to father: 'CONTRACT VOID IF SEAL IS BROKEN.'

I think it is time I tell you what people are saying behind your back...! Nice Ass.

How to impress woman: kiss her, hug her, compliment her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her
How to impress a man: Show up naked with beer.

Hickory Dickory Dock, dis bitch woz suckin me cock, da clock struck 2, i dumped me goo, & dropped her at da end of da block.

Bloke calls work : "Boss, cannae come in tae work. I'm sick"
Boss asks: "How sick are u?"
Bloke: "I'm F****ing my Sis, how sick is that???"

U good at math? Well, add a bed, subtract ur cloths, divide ur legs and we can multiply!

I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.

It was an accident officer. I was cleaning my fingernails. With a hunting knife. And he ran into me. Backwards. 17 times.

My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading.

Women are just like frogs. They have a big mouth and are scared of the stork.

He kisses her gently on the lips. She does not feel comfortable, squeezes her legs, and so his glasses broke.

A woman is a marvellous creation, she produces milk without eating grass, she bleeds without being hurt, gets wet even when it does not rain and sucks without needing power.

Your mum's so hairy, they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower.

Your mum's so hairy, if she could fly she'd look like a magic carpet.

Your mum's so hairy, Bigfoot took a picture of her.

Your mum's so hairy, she looks like Bigfoot in a tank top.

Your mum's so hairy, when she goes to the circus the bearded lady protests against non-union workers.

Your mum's so hairy, when she went to Remington and said "Shave this!" the salesman died laughing.

Your mum's so hairy, her armpits look like she has Don King in a headlock.

There was a young girlcalled heather,whoscunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together

little miss drugy sat in a buggy smoking a pipe of weed alongcame a spider skinned up beside her and sold her some acid and speed .

Jack & Jill went 2 the dairy, Jack popped out his big'n airy, Jill said "WOW WOT A WHOPPER let's go home & DO IT PROPER

There was a young girl from Wick, who asked her mum what's a prick, her mother said Annie it goes up your fanny and jumps up and down till it's sick.

This is a cock sucker detector
Please blow in the phone..... .. scanning....
The test was positive 90percent sperm breath...
COCK SUCKER !!

Twinkle, twinkle little rectum bigcockscum when you least expect them, never mind the screams of passion whoop it up with doggy fashion.

There was an old man from gosham,
who got out his bollocks to wash'em,
His wife said oh jack if you don't put'em back,
i'll stand on the bastards and squash em!!!(new)

Your father had your mother,
your mother had your brother,
it's just 2 bad your fathers mad and
your mothers now your lover

If guys had they periods
They would compare the size of their tampons!

Sex is evil
Evil is sin
Sin is forgiven
So stick it in.

Smoke a smoke
Not a butt
Fuck a virgin
Not a slut.

Guys are like roses,
Watch out for the pricks.

Im a cool girl,
in a cool town
it takes a real mother fucker to put me down

Licking pussy is like playing with the mafia...
One wrong move and you are in DEEP SHIT!!!!

Sex is good,
sex is fine,
doggy style or 69,
just for fun or getting paid,
everyone likes getting laid!

Bak 2 bak,
front 2 front,
on d table,lick dcunt,
stick it in,
do ur ting,
do it hard & make her sing,
tense ur body feel dcum,
den let it rip into her bum!

5 reasons not 2 b a penis
1)ur bald ur entire life
2)both ur naybors r nutz
3)an arsehole lives b'hind u
4)ur bestm8s acunt
5)wen xcited u throw up den faint!

Ill fuck you standing,I fuck you lying,If I had wings Id fuck you flying,if you were dead,your not forgotten,ill dig you up and fuck you rotten!

Beat me eat me bite my bum, whip me strip me make mecum, suck me fuck me and lick me out,then tickle my nipples until I shout!

There are 206 bones in your body! Would u like another?

Life is like a dick! When it's hard Fuck it!

Zippy & Bungle,went 2 da jungle havin sum marvelous fun, Zippy got silly,popped out his willy & stuck it up Bungles bum!
 

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Sex is like a pack of Pringles! Once you pop, you can't stop!!

A man woz arranged 2 b married!He had achoice of 3 women!1st woz a rich docter,2nd woz a poorcleaner & 3rd woz a prostitute!WHO DID HE PICK?The 1 wiv big tits!

U NO UR GETTIN OLD IF
1)if ur age woz ur shoe size theyd b a mile long
2)doin it 5 times a nite means gettin up to piss
3)the only way u get a 69 is playin bingo

10 little piggies,2calves,1 ass,1 pussy,1 beaver,loads of hares & 1 smelly fish!

Sex+drugs+rock+rave,lets get drunk & misbehav,on weed+speed +little e's,well get drunk & talk 2 trees,u only live once & den u die,so fuck em all & lets get high!

5 BAD THINGS 2 SAY 2 A NAKED GUY
1)so dis explains urcar!
2)but still work,right?
3)r ucold?
4)shood i get a pump?
5)so i guess dis makes me d early bird!

Being a student is so much fun,wen u have degrees in playin wiv tongues,if u be my teacher in how tongues flex,we'll both graduate in hot oral sex!

Shes down on her knees,Eager to please,Wiv a throb of his nob in her gob,Wiv a tingle in his belly,his legs turn to jellycos shes doin a fuckin good job!

Oral sexcan b so fine,wen u do a 69,u start 2 shake,moan & quiver,den ucum just like a river,den u lick it up in vain,wipe ur lips and start again!

a mans ocupation
is to stick hiscockulation
up a wommens ventulation to
increase the population of the
younger generation if u want a demonstation plz lie down!

*NEWSFLASH* Tell ALL your female friends that ican get 1000 tampons for ?1, No Strings attached but for a limited period ONLY! Its A bloody good deal !

Do you wan't fun Do you wan't sex Don't forget durex

in days of old wen knights were bold +condoms wernt invented they tied socks around theircocks + people like u were prevented.

Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll
Speed, weed and birthcontrol,
lifes a bitch, then u die,
so fuck the world
lets get high..

Mary had 2 little lambs their names were Jack and Gypsy. One day they got foot and mouth and now they're black andcrispy.

Your birthcertificate is an apology letter from thecondom factory.

Mary had a smelly minge with pubes as dark ascharcoal.So most the men go round the back and stick it up her arsehole!

mary had a little lamb she also had a duck, she put them on the mantlepiece to see if they would fuck!

whats the difference between a mini tampon..a middle tampon and a large tampon?....they r all stuck upcunts!

farmer Joneshas got no sheep,
isn't life a drag?
coz they're all burning in a field
he's got no sheep to shag

The FA have just announced gary gliter the next Englandcoach.
The appontmentcollapsed after he tried to put seaman in the under 15's.

Your provider adjusted its rates. Rate is determined by the length of UR genitalia, the shorter they R, the less U pay. U can telephone for free from now on!

How would you like your egg for breakfast.... hard-boiled or impregnated?

Mobile sex: push 1 for oral, 2 for anal, 3 for normal, 4 for a trio, 5 for SM and for everything ... dial my number

20% of the population is now drinking coffee, 60% is having sex, 19% is watching television and one yokel is now holding his mobile in his hand

Are these your eyes, I found them between my brests!

In case of fire read this message.....................................I SAID IN CASE OF FIRE YOU F*CKING IDIOT!!

You wanna come to my place for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don't you like pizza?!

My dick is so big, it has bark.

My dick is so big, it has tonsils.

My dick is so big, it can only be measured in theory.

My dick is so big, it has a horizon.

My dick is so big, I can fuck the ocean.

My dick is so big, sometimes it jerks me off.

My dick is so big, that when I fly, it has to take the train.

My dick is so big, it's got its own gang sign.

My dick is so big, it could eat a horse.

My dick is so big, Florida had to measure it twice.

My dick is so big, it has a north pole

My dick is so big, it killed its ex-wife and got away with it scott free.

My dick is so big, I run three-legged races by myself.

My dick is so big, my urologist is a Sherpa

My dick is so big, you must be at least 48" to ride.

My dick is so big, that i look like its dick in front of it!
 

Luv-U-Always - Visit the world's LARGEST website of LOVE.

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Immortal Stories - Contains hundreds of inspirational stories, articles, poems and inspirational pictures.

My dick is so big, I can fuck a car wash.

My dick is so big, it has nostrils

My dick is so big, It gets drunk and whips me out

My dick is so big, it has a nucleus.

My dick is so big, "Oh Yeah" is its theme song. Chicka Chicka!

My dick is so big, compasses do not function properly around it.

My dick is so big, the Pope has blessed it.

My dick is so big, Al Gore invented it

My dick is so big, black holes fall into IT.

My dick is so big, VH1 is letting it host an episode of "The List."

My dick is so big, premature ejaculation takes ninety minutes.

My dick is so big, I'm listed as an organ donor twice on my driver's license.

My dick is so big, it was on a Wheaties box.

My dick is so big, the Romans named their God, Simplyvs Hvges Giganticvs Erectia Dickvs, after it.

My dick is so big, it has a commemorative stamp.

My dick is so big, sperm banks pay interest

My dick is so big, it has its own entourage.

My dick has a sunrise and sunset

My dick is so big, it has stretch marks.

My dick is so big, it's wanted in nine states, and Canada.

My dick is so big, it sleeps with one eye open.

My dick is so big, they cold run the Indy 500 on it, with no turns.

My dick is so big, it's getting its own State Quarter.

My dick is so big, it has training wheels.

My dick is so big, someone once used it as a lifeline on, "Who wants to be a millionaire?"

My dick is so big, my erections cause a total eclipse.

My dick is so big, I use it to spear fish.

My dick is so big, they ride it in rodeos.

My dick is so big, I lost my legs in Veitnam and can still drive a manual.

My dick is so big, The LAPD used it to beat Rodney King.

My dick is so big, it can only be measured in AU's.

My dick is so big, when I get aroused, the Earth develops an elliptical orbit!

My dick is so big, it's in a boy band with four other big dicks.

My dick is so big, it's a government scapegoat.

My dick is so big, it has its own seat in Congress.

My dick is so big, it's worshipped as a Pagan God.

My dick is so big, I can change channels without the remote.

My dick is so big, I can smuggle 14 kilos of crack, 9 stolen cars, and 5 illegal immigrants across the border in it.

My dick is so big, it has its own zip code.

My dick is so big it sank the Titanic

My dick is so big, I have a fiveskin

My dick is so big, Saddam was found hiding in it.

My dick is so big, the great wall of China is just a guide rail for me to tour the country!!!

My dick is so big, It makes the Grand Canyon scream NOOOOOOOO!!!

My dick is so big, it's the opening act for KISS's farewell tour.

My dick is so big, the government is suing it for anti-trust violation.

My dick is so big it went condo.

My dick is so big, if I were a porn star, I could only do movies in letterbox.

My dick is so big, it has its own fraternity, Delta Theta Cock.

My dick is so big, it has an ego.

My dick is so big, it has its own line of hip hop clothing.

My dick is so big, I have to stand in the hall when I take a piss.

My dick is so big, it won the Nobel Peace Prize.

My dick is so big, Scott Adams writes a cartoon about it. It's called "Dickbert."

My dick is so big it gives me an allowance.

My dick is so big, it played Daddy Warbucks on Broadway.

My dick is is the Government

My dick is so big, when in Leno's mouth you can't see his chin!!!

My dick is so big, Spiderman thinks I'm Doctor Cocktopus

My dick is so big, it's a tax write-off.

My dick is so big, it's a bouncer at The Boiler Room.

My dick is so big, it's sectional.

My dick is so big, the man always be tryin' to keep it down.

My dick is so big, it hangs out on the set of "Friends."

My dick is so big, I can play mailbox baseball while driving.

My dick is so big Alan Greenspan uses it to raise interest rates.

My dick is so big, I decorate it at Christmas time.

My dick is so big, if I didn't sleep on my side, planes would crash into it at night.

My dick is so big, the doctor had to use a chainsaw to circumcize me.

My dick is so big, my sperm can carry passengers

My dick is so big, they use Sequoias to test my condems

My dick is so big, Calvin Klein named a fragrance after it. It's called CK My Dick!

My dick is so big, I have to use a complex irrigation system just to take a piss.

My dick is so big, it used to be a Harlem Globetrotter.

My dick is so big it stormed the beach at Normandy.

My Dick is so big it affects the weather.

My dick is so big, it affects the weather.

My dick is so big, it's my boss.

My dick is so big, it gets manicures.

My dick is so big, it has an axle.

My dick is so big, it has a brain.

My dick is so big, it has a reinforced foundation.

My dick is so big, many consider it the Eighth Wonder of the World.

My dick is the Internet

My dick is so big, it's a year and a half older than me.

My dick is Santa Claus.

My dick is so big, it has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

My dick is so big, it can stand up.

My dick is so big, I can fuck a volcanoe.

My dick is so big, I have to stow it in the overhead bin on planes.

My dick is so big, it has it's own time zone - central dick time.

My dick is so big it has it was recently split into two area codes.

My dick is so big, it's an element.

My dick is so big, it was part of the human evolution

My dick is so big, it could feed Ethiopia for a month.

My dick is so big, it has a moon.

My dick is so big, it has it's own file extension, ".bdic"

My dick invented the internet.

My dick is so big, it has branches.

I'm so unlucky that if I was to fall into a barrel of nipples I'd come out sucking my thumb.

3 sisters. ann, jan & fanny all have big feet, ann & jan go on a date, 1 of the boys says "jesus u have big feet "ann replys "u should see our fannys theyre huge!

A train is bout 2 crash! A frantic virgin strips off & says can any1 make me feel like a woman b4 i die? So a man takes off his clothes & says iron these!

Im @ the police station now been done 4 drink driving. Urine sample was positive so I nicked the sample, they r now doin me 4 taking the piss.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?

Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

Confucious say Put rooster in freezer to get a stiff cock.

Confucious say Man have more hair on chest than woman - but on the whole woman have more.

Written on a girls T-Shirt: Statutory Warning – Objects under the T-shirt r larger than they appear from outside.

Manmohan Singh imposing entertainment tax - on sex 10%, kissing/hug 20%, squeezing boobs/ass 30%, fucking pussy 50%. Tu tension mat le Gaand maarna abhi bhi free hai.

Chumma chummi ka nur tujh par bares,
har koi tere nange darshan ko tarse.
Tere jivan main aaye itne ladke ki,
Tu apne kapde pehene ko tarse.

Pyar mohabbat dhoka hai,
Chod le beta mauka hai.
Agar ladki kare virodh,
to chod lagaa ke nirodh.
Agar phir bhi kare inkaar,
To kar de beta balaatkaar.
 

Girl tells her boyfriend: “I’m pregnant.”
Boyfriend says: “How can u say its mine?”
Girl starts 2 cry. “What will I do if everyone says like this.

Whats the difference between CHICKEN n BABY?
Chcken is the result of a patiently siting hen while a baby is the result of an impatiently standing cock.
 

A man used to masturbate and save his sperms in bottles, a friend asks y so? The man replies yeh who bachhe hai jinhe ma ka pyar nahi mila.

Whats the similarity between women and mobile phones?
Jitni ungli karoge, utne functions ka pata chalega.
 

Sex karo sex karo daily jab ladki ho akeli,
Jab ladki na ho akeli to pakdo uski saheli,
Jab saheli bhi na ho akeli,
To zindabaad apni hatehli.
 

A man on wife’s birthday had no money so he sent cheque written “100 kisses” when he return home, wife said, “thanx I got it encashed from bank manager.”

Secret of long life:
Morning: 2 egg with sweets
Evening: 2 peg with chips &
Night: 2 leg with lips
 

Boy: can I touch ur software?
Girl: show me ur hardware.
Boy: can I download in ur system?
Girl: use anti-virus protection, ur programme may have virus.
 

Big eyes r nice 2 roll, big lips r nice 2 kiss, big buttocks r nice 2 squeeze, big breast r nice 2 suck, but big hole is a challenge 2 FUCK.

 

Luv-U-Always - Visit the world's LARGEST website of LOVE.

SMS Directory - World's LARGEST directory of SMSs.

Immortal Stories - Contains hundreds of inspirational stories, articles, poems and inspirational pictures.

A thirsty patient ask nurse for milk. She opened her top and put her nipples in the mouth of the patient. He gasped and said thanx God I did not ask 4 water.

Unborn twins in the mothers stomach saw a penis.
1st: dekh papa aa rahe hai.
2nd: abbe chutiye ye gupta uncle hai, papa kabhi rain coat nahi pehente.
 

Marwadi goes 2 a pros says I will pay double if u lat me do marwadi style. She agrees. After fuck she askes whats marwadi style? PAYMENT after 90 days.

Dravid was arrested ina rape case and brought 2 court. Judge asked “How could u do this?” dravid replied “Dial 123 and watch the replay on ur hutch phone.”
 

If Ekta Kapur made sex serials names would be like: Chudai ghar ghar ki, Sas bhi kabhi chudi thi, kabhi rakhel kabhi raand and Des mein phatee hoge gand.

Agar aasmaan tak humare haath jaate,
Agar aasmaan tak humare haath jaate,
To chaand sitare to door ki baat hai,
Pariyon ki gaand mein ungli kar aate.

Sachin ki suhag raat thi:
Anjali: Arey aapke lund pe to AIDS likha hai.
SACHIN: Behenchod khada to hone de ADIDAS likha hoga.

Aids awarness slogans:
Cover ur stump b4 u hump.
Don’t b silly, protect ur willy.
Aids no joke, b sure 2 wrap b4 u poke.
Don’t b a fool condomise ur tool.

4 way of women expression of sex.
1. Asthamatic – hah! Hah!
2. Obedient – yes, yes
3. greedy – more more
4. Religious – oh my God! Oh my God.
 

Why Pakistani Girls don’t like Akthar & Sami?
Because they tamper THE BALLS. Their length is too short. They don’t put it in the right spot.

Guy with green, red & blue coloured hair to old man staring at him .
Whats up oldie, never done anything wild?
Oldie – Yeah, fucked a peacock once, wondering if u r my son.

Confidence is when ur wife catches u in bed with another women and u have the courage 2 slap her on the ass and say, “u’re next honey!”

Once, one breast say to the other breast, apni bhi koi life hai, saala lafra neeche wali gali main hota hai, aur pakre hum dono jaate hai.

7 nude men were standing in a row with their erected penis. A passerby stopper n asked, “ r u advertising 4 Condoms?” they replied at once “7 UP.”
 

2 women learning car. Their husband discussed: yaar raat ko gear samaj kar mere lund ko ghumati reheti hai. Mere wali to panty khol ke keheti hai 200 ka daal do.

Mom to her daughter – I told u dat if somebody touches u say “Don’t” & if kisses u say “Stop” but mom if he does both together and I said “Don’t Stop"

Jack & Jill went up da hill
have a little fun.
But stupid Jill forgot da pill
and now they have a son.

Old mother Hubbard
went d cupboard
fetch d poor dog a bone.
but when she bent over
Rover took over &
gave her a bone of his own!

Mary had a little lamb
its coat was full of fleas
and what more is that the little cunt
had foot and mouth disease

little miss druggy
sat in her buggy
smoking an ounce of weed
along cam a spider
skinned up beside her
and sold her a kilo of speed

little jack horner sat in his corner
licking his girlfriend dry.
he stuck in his tongue-licked out some cum
and said fuck this is better than pie.

Hickory dickory dock.
dis bitch woz suckin me cock.
da clock struck i dumped me goo
& dropped her at da end of da block!

Mary had a little lamb
she kept it in da backyard.
wen she took her panties off
his wooly dick got hard!

Peter Peter Pumpkin eater.
had a wife & liked to beat her.
smacked her twice around da head.
F**ked her arse & went bed!

Mirror Mirror on the wall.
Whos the fairest of them all?
The mirror laughed Den
made a grunt-
It sure aint u.
u ugly cunt

Mary had a little lamb
& tied it to a pylon
a 000 volts shot up its ass
&turned it into nylon

Little Star
Twinkle, twinkle little rectum
big cocks cum when you least expect them,
never mind the screams of passion
whoop it up with doggy fashion.

Arse Icons
(_!_) Regular arse
(__!__) Fat arse
(!) Tight arse
(_*_) Sore arse
(_o_) Well used arse
(_e=mc_) Smart arse
(_x_) Kiss my arse

Hot Sex
There is Hot-sex,
Fast-sex, Group-sex,
Safe-sex, Leather-sex,
Telephone-sex,
and for people with your face ...
NO SEX !

Women's Needs
There are animal species
a woman needs in her life:
Jaguar in her garage,
mink in her closet,
tiger in her bed!
And of course a donkey to pay her bills!!
 

Luv-U-Always - Visit the world's LARGEST website of LOVE.

SMS Directory - World's LARGEST directory of SMSs.

Immortal Stories - Contains hundreds of inspirational stories, articles, poems and inspirational pictures.

Sick Leave
A guy call into work and says:
Boss I can´t come to work to day, I´m sick.
Boss asks: How sick are you?
The guy says: I´m fucking my sister how sick is that?

Brand Sex
Sex is like nokia -connecting people
like Nike -just do it
Like Pepsi -ask for more
Like Samsung -everyone is invited
and like me -TO GOOD TO BE TRUE!

Fucking Mafia
Licking pussy is like playing with the mafia...
One wrong move and you are in DEEP SHIT!!!!

The Alphabet
a-ur attractive
b-ur beautiful
c-ur caring
d-ur delicous
e-ur exciting
f-ur funny
g-ur gorgeous
h-ur heavenly
I-IM
J-JUST
K-KIDDING
L-LOSER!

Good Sex
Sex is good,
sex is fine,
doggy style or ,
just for fun or getting paid,
everyone likes getting laid!

Equation
Do you like maths,
if so add a bed, subtract ur clothes,
divide your legs and
we can multiply!

Sex Guide
Bak bak,
front front,
on d table,lick d cunt,
stick it in,
do ur ting,
do it hard & make her sing,
tense ur body feel d cum,
den let it rip into her bum

Luv me tender
Luv me tender,
luv me sweet,
rap ur lips around my meat,
watch & smile,
watch me grin,
watch the cum drip down my chin!

Life as a penis
reasons not b a penis
)ur bald ur entire life
)both ur naybors r nutz
)an arsehole lives b’hind u
)ur bestms a cunt
)wen xcited u throw up den faint!

Pregnant
Sex is real evil,sex is a sin,moaning and
groaning as he slides slowly in,it cant
last eva,I no it’s a shame,dat night of
passion leads to months of pain!

Flying Fuck
Ill fuck you standing,I fuck you lying,
If I had wings Id fuck you flying,
if you were dead,your not forgotten,
ill dig you up and fuck you rotten!

Beat Me
Beat me eat me bite my bum,
whip me strip me make me cum,
suck me fuck me and lick me out,
then tickle my nipples until I shout!

£0 note
advantages of gettin a £0 note
tattood on ur cock:
- U can play wiv ur money,
- U can see ur money grow
- Ur girl can blow as much money as she wants

5 advantages of having sex with married women:
They give like hell, they do not yell, they do not tell, they do not swell, there is no risk of wedding bell.

Boy: Kiss karu?
Girl: Lipstick kharab hogi
Boy: Boobs dabane do
Girl: T-Shirt Kharab hogi
Boy: Fuck?
Girl: Periods mei hu
Boy: Now don’t say Loose motion hai.

Kiss- Height of luv
Nipple- Peak of luv
Boobs- Shape of luv
Penis- Length of luv
Pussy- Depth of luv
Ass- Base of luv
Testicles- Weight of luv
Fuck- Experience of luv
Suck- Taste of luv
Masturbation- Substitute of luv
Condom- Care of luv
Sperm- Cream of luv
Marriage- Mistake of luv
Pregnancy- Proof of luv
Child- Outcome of luv

there was a young girl from Wick,who asked her mum wht's a prick, her mother said annie it goes up your fanny and jumps up and down till its sick...


Q: What do you call an abortion in Czechslovakia?
A: A cancelled Czech!



Man comes home, finds neigbour on top of wife.
He rushes out screaming, ' what to do? '
If i hit him on head, it's murder.
If i hit him on butt it goes in further!



American Aur Desi
american aur desi mein kya farak hota hai?
american kaam ko dimaak mein aur c ko l pe rakhta hai .
Aur desi c ko dimaak mein aur kaam ko l pe rakhta hai



Arz kia hai. . .
1 rupyaa bacha k puri jindagi nahi kat jaygi
1 rupyaa bacha k puri jindagi nahi kat jaygi
1 msg karne se teri ga*d nahi phat jaygi...!



Zandu Balm,Zandu Balm,Gote karde Jam,Lund ki Khujli Dur Kare,Chut ko De Aaram,Zandu Balm, Zandu Balm..



Miranda Condom: Zor ka Jhatka Dhire Se LageMRF Condom: Extra Rubber Extra MilageMOOV Condom: Aah se Aaha TakIODEX Condom: Andar Tak Jaye Aaram Dilaye



Miya aur bibi me bhayanak jhagda ho gaya.Miya gusse se titmilata hua chillaya- gaand maar doonga!!!Bibi boli:"Aage ki to sochte nahin, bus peeche pade rehte ho.."



Prince ko bahar nikal ne par usse pucha ke aapko kaisa lag raha hai.
Prince bola;- yeh to kuch bhi nahin tha 5 saal pehle esse bhi chote hole se bahar nikla tha!!!



Husband touched boobs and
sung: Piyo glass full doodh,
wonderful doodh.
Immediately wife touched
his penis n said: Thanda
matlab CHOTA COKE!



Teer Kya chalati ho dhaar
to TALWAR mein hai,
Teer Kya chalati ho dhaar
to TALWAR mein hai.
Dupatte se kya chupati ho,
maal to SALVAR mein hai!



Rosemary divorced Mr.Lele b'coz
she was sick of telling her name,
"Roz Meri Lele."
Imagine her tough luck, when she
was re-married to Mr.Marlow



What did ramu say ven he
saw a surgical glove?
Shaym lagta to condom hai
per draupdi ke zamane ka hai



Toothpaste & Boobs

What is the Similarity between Toothpaste & B**bs?
Guess ? its easy !!
U know the answer !!
Kholo.. Dabao... Muh me dalo aur Fresh ho jaao....



Q:wht is the defination of eternity?
A: the time when you cum and she leaves...



Q: why does a squirrel swin on its back?
A: to keep its nuts dry...



young female patien:I'm a embarrased but how long before can i resume my sex life.
doc: u r the firdt patient to ask me this after tonsillectomy!!!!



Girls are like internet domain names... the ones I like are already taken.



Whats the difference between
a chicken and a baby?
Chicken is the result of a sitting hen
while the baby is the result of standing cock.



Q: A guy breaks up with
his GF & pushes her down
from da 24th floor.
Amazingly she survives..... How??
A: New WHISPER with wings...
Never Lets You Down!



Why was the two piece
swimsuit invented?
2 separate the HAIRY section
from the DAIRY section!!



wht is the defination of sn Impotent loser?
a guy who cant even get his hopes up!



waht does bungee jumping and hookers have in comman?
they both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breasks u r screwed.



all men are terrorists. they always attack women on their twin towers and destroy their pentagon!!!



how can u tell tht ur computer mouse is male or female?
U dont have to turn it upside down to see it u can tell urself!!how?
its a female coz it uses a pad below.



Husband:- if u cook well,we can dismiss cook and save 300rs.
Wife:- if u **** well, we can dismiss driver,gardner and watchman and save 12000rs.



Researcher: Excuse me madam, I'm conducting a survey.
Woman: Yes, what is it about?
Researcher: We are asking people what they think about sex on the television...
Woman: Very uncomfortable, I would imagine!



Statistical analysis of Penis ....Avg length 6in,avg strokes 50,avg **** 3 a wk,52 wks a yr,avg sex life 20yrs..so a women gets 47kms of Penis in a lifetime.



Hi,i m leaving the country.Kyoki bipasa ka rape ho gya hai or POLICE ko mujh pe shaq hai,tum bhi nikal lo kyoki uski kutia bhi chudi hui mili hai.



2 sardar at a cinema:1st see House full at the ticket counter & said:Maa di fudi band hogi?2nd shouted: Oye Aaja Aaja !Bhen di fudi black ch mildi payi haì?.



Son-aisi kya chij he jiske aju baju baal hai? PAPA-chup be Son-mai batau AANKHE hai. PAPA-haa thik. SON-aap CHUT samajte the na. .



Famous poet Faiz in love with Noorjhan asked her for a ****. Noorjahan blushed & said "Apne bahut badi cheez mangli hai?" Faiz: "Agar itni badi hai to rehne do"



Boss: Lt me fuk u jst once, I'll b quick & pay u1000. I'll thrw the money on the flr & b4 u bend dwn & pk it up, It'll b dn. Girl lks the proposal & cals her BF....BF: Its ok, bt ask 4 2000 & b vry quick 2 pck money.Aftr 4 hrs BF cals her.Wht hpnd? GF:Bastard's stil ****in me, he got coins.



After intense sex sardar said to lady'Mazaa nahi aaya,teri koi breast nahi,tera hole bhi chota he"... Lady "sardar ji mainu sidha to karo..



Do you want to have sex with me? For RS. 5000.00 ! Please please please.................................. ...I really need the money!



A guy walks up to a girl and says: Wanna play *Magic*? She says: What's that? .....He says: We go to my place, have sex and than you dissappear.....



Pornography tells lies about women, but the truth about men.



God created the world in SIX days But took him centuries... to come up with someone...as "HOT" ... as "SEXY" ... as "****able" ... *..As "YOU!" .. *



Aik larka College mai larki say kehta hai....
Matak matak k chalti hoo Dil ko khoob lagti ho...
Aik bar dedo kya farq parta hai...

Larki nay kaha....
Matak matak kar chalna hamari chal he aise hai...
Apni bhabi say mago uski aour mere aik he jaisee hai...



Braiser k nechay kya....
Bachoon ki Ghizaa... Baro ka maza...
Nekar k nechay kya....
mit k maa.. 9 ahenayki saza...



Why r condoms only sold in packets of 3 and 12 ?3packs r for young ppl- (morn,afternoon,night) n 12 for old ppl- Jan,feb,Mar,Apr,



Solve:Mom is 21 yrs elder 2 her child . After 6 yrs d mom wil b of age 5 times of her child. Que: where is d father right now. Solve it.



My thought of day_ Agar aap ladkiyon ko ijzat denge to woh bhi tumhen apni ijzat dengi



SPECIAL KAVITA "LUND"Land tum khade raho,Chut main pade raho.Land jab prachand ho,To chut khandkhand ho.Land tum khade chalo,Land tum bhade chalo.Samne darar ho,Gand ka pahad ho.Land tum ruko nahi,Land tum jhuko nahi.Chut charmara uthe,Jhant kasmasa uthe.Agni sa dhadak dhadak,Chut me sarak sarak.Jab tak chut phate nahi,Tab tak land hate nahi.Chut ko tu phad de,Uske ander jhaad de.Land tum mahan ho,Sarv shaktimaan ho. "Bolo BABA LUND DEV maharaj kg jai".



Looking at the Elephant's Penis, Son:Mummy Ye Kya Hai? Mother:Kuchh Nahi hai Beta...... Fatherekha Beta, Teri Maa ke Liye ye Bhi Kuchh Nahi Hai...!!!



18 sal ki Ladki K 18 vachan.................1. mera pecha mat karo 2.mai sharif ladki hu 3.bus ek bar bolugh I L U 4.sirf ek bar milugi 5.kuch karna nahi 6.koi dekh lega 7.bus upar sai kar lo 8. panti mat utaro 9.bas ek bar hi karwaungi 10.sharm aa rahi hai 11.bhut lamba hai 12.meri chut mai itna mota nahi jayega 13.jor sai mat dalna 14.bhut dard ho raha hai 15.chuchi ko choso 16.kamar ko pakr kar dalo17.jor sai dhakka maro 18.bahar mat nikalo..



If aamir khan shot a big budget porn muvy
,wat wud it b called?
MAN-GAL PORN-DAY: THE RAISING !



World's most dangerous snake.ERECTERIUS TROUSERIUS (Trouser Snake)Description-Varies from pink to black, fangless with highly venomous spit. Size varies from 3 to 12 inches depending on subspecies.Usually found in bedrooms but is known to appear in unusual places from time to time. Attacks women in the lower frontal abdomenal area but on occasions is known to attack men in the lower posterior area also!



She offered him honour. He honoured her offer.
And then....the whole night....
It was "Onher & Offher"!!!



Man is born through a hole. when he grows up he searches for holes, when he dies he is buried in a hole. Thats y your nickname is *******!



8 qualities of a PERFECT boyfriend... Brave,Intelligent, Gentle,Polite, Energetic, Non-alcoholic, Industrious, Self-organised. In short, B.I.G.P.E.N.I.S.



He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his floppydisk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo!



Today its cool to have small cars and small computers.Soon it will be cool to have a small penis too.then you my friend will be THE MAN!!



Whats the diff between your wife and your job? After 10 years your job still sucks



When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $2.95 a minute



Sardar ki Biwi mar gayi, Dost ne puchha kaise mar gayi? Sardar: Yaar, Mooh me Mooh tha, Chut me Lund tha, Gaand me Ungali thi, pata nai AATMA kahan se nikal gayi



Arz hai: Log kehte hai ki mard ko dard nahin...log kehte hai mard ko dard nahin.Main kaheta hu Do taangoke beech me maaro DARD NAHIN TO MARD NAHIN!



A couple was pumping hard in bed.MAN: Spread ur legs wider honey! WIDER!. ...WIDER!GIRL: Are u trying to get ur balls in?MAN: Im trying 2 take them OUT!



Farmer tries a cows milking machine on his penis & had great FUN, but could"nt remove it...Reads the manual & faints. It said...AUTO RELEASE AFTER 5 LITRES..



Shakeela goes to
L I C office to insure her pussy & breast
The officer said to her 'Sorry madam we r not accepting highly damaged & used things'...



When Apple
is Green
its ready
to Pluck
&
when
a Girl
is 16
she is
ready
to ****!
Apple Says
Beat me
Eat me
Bite my Bum.
Girl says
Suck me
**** me
make me MUM !



Sardar: Will u marry me?
Girl: sorry im a lesbian.
Sardar: what's a lesbian?
Girl: I like to have sex with girls.
Sardar: wow! I'm also a lesbian...



Gori tera gaand bada pyara, shot maine maara,aaya maza re...aaya maza re... Chhora tera lund bada lamba, electricity ka khamba, shock maara re... shock maara re... To set this as your Hello Caller Tune call 123678 and say "Gand Masti". Call charges Rs.6/--



There is a small gap between confidence & over confidence.
YOU can **** your wife is confidence.
ONLY YOU can **** ur wife is over confidence



Rina- What is difference between boys & girl? Tina-boys r naughty,v r beauty. Rina-they r lier. v r fire. Tina- they have chest v have breast. Rina- they have muscle v have nipple. Tina- they have night fall v have 2 big balls. Rina- they have a big pole v have a big hole. Tina- they can fight v can bite. Rina- they can **** v can suck. Tina- they r silent v r pregnent. Rina- atleast v r lovers they r ****ERS.



Some girls beg & some girls borrow,
some girls lead & some girls follow,
some bring joy & some bring sorrow,
but the best ones just
"Blow, Suck & Swallow !"



When you dont know whether to love or hate,
when you are in a confused state,
dont fret
and
dont debate,
just sit alone and masturbate!



Ek randi ki beti ne maa se puchha, Maa, PYAR, ISHQ aur MOHABBAT kya hai ?Maa ne jawab diya:Kuchh nahi beti,sab free me chodney k bahane Ha



Sardar smoking in a public place. lady shouts at him 'NO SMOKING board nahi dikhta kya' sardar: Saali baju me USE CONDOMS board lagi hai to kya abhi use karu?



How can u make a woman scream twice?
**** her real hard & then wipe your dick with her favourite dress!!



Vagina is the world's best "Rehabilitation Centre". Even the most violent frustrated Penis after coming out becomes humble, quiet & relaxed...!!



SEXY THOUGHT OF D DAY- Women always need a reason to have sex... Men are not like that ...
..........
.
.
.
.
.
. .... They just need a place. >



Uses of the word ****.

Gr tings: how the **** are ou?
Aggr ssion: **** u
Resignation: oh **** it!
Confusion:what the ****.... ?
Disgust: OH ****
Despair: ****ed again
Panic: lets get the **** out of here
Inquiry: what the **** is happenin h r ?
AdjectIve: its ****in cool man...!



A note in the sex shop: 'please hold the magazines with BOTH hands while reading'.



Difference between "Satisfaction" & "Frustration" is only one article....
What 'a' **** &
What 'the' ****....!



MENopause;
MENarch;
MENstruation;
MENstrual pain;
MENtal illness;
GUYnocologist;
HISterectomy."
Ever noticed that all women's problems start with "MEN...!"

why do men ask for woman's hand in mariage??
A: becoz they are tired of using their own.


why do lawyers and prostitutes dont engage in sex??
A: becoz there wud b a dispute on who wud charge...


Licking pussy is like playing with mafia.
One wrong move and u r in DEEP ****.


Viagra now available in eye drops, you don't get an erection but you look hard!


Can't believe after all the **** they have been through they're still together.
Who? Your bum cheeks!!


A girl who opens her hands receives gifts. Who opens her heart receives love. Who opens her legs receives happiness


Latest porn releases: Shaving Private Ryan, Position Impossible, As Big As It Gets, Forest Hump, Riding Miss Daisy, Starwhores and Pornocchio.


Nipple, Nipple don’t b far,
let me press u in my car,
up above the chest so high,
always milky never dry,
let me suck u don’t feel shy, in the bra u’ll die.


If you assume you may make an ASS out of U and ME, but if you don't assume, nothing gets done.


Feelin bored? Think of me.
Feelin sad? Call me.
Feelin lonely? See me.
Feelin horny? Use ur hand & njoy d art of messaging me.


Confucious say Man have more hair on chest than woman - but on the (w)hole woman have more.


What's common between the sun & women's underwear?
a) Both are hot
b) Both look better while going down
c) Both disappear by night.


Q: wht did banana say 2 the vibrator?
why r u shaking for so much.
A: well,she's gonna eat me.



What Is A Similarity Between A Move Creame And L**d . Dono Gherai Tak Jaye,garmahat Laye,araam Dilaye. Aaaaah-se-aahhhh-tak


wht do u get wen u make luv with a judge,banker,architect?
judge: honourable discharge.
banker:premature discharge.
architect: illegal errection.


man: can i buy u a whisky?
woman: no u cant,whisky is bad for my legs.
man: do they swell.
woman: no they spread.


international health organisation reportd tht most medicines have side effects but Viagra has only front effect.


1>>Boys who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand.
2>> reaction of girls to different sizes of penis..
5"" ohh god its going to be painful..
4" hmm ok.
3" ok can still manage.
2"..... idiot have 2 seen a 2inch penis its same as ur tongue.


in biology lecture, d teacher asks d class to draw female reproductive organ. a girl feels shy and looks down to which a student behind her shouts
"MAM, SHE'S CHEATING!!!"


short man marries a tall woman.after first nite, friend asks how was it.
man: wen nose meets nose,tose goes in,wen toes and toes meet,nose goes in.!


sam: i ma organising group sex at my home, will u join?
tom: sure why not, how many ppl r coming?
sam: in all 3, me,u and ur wife!!


old man :can u give me an erection?
faith healer:i can make blind see, make deaf listen,make lame walk, but i can't rise d dead.


touch it gently,put ur finger inside,if d hole is big,
put 3 fingers,rub it up and down..
thts d way 2 wash a glass.


AT 33, he quits smoking(will power)
at 43 he quits drinking(will power)
at 53 he quits gambling(will power)
at 63,he quits making love(power failure)..


Q: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right?
A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed.


Doctor: You look terribly weak and exhausted! R u having your meals 3 times a day as I advised?
Lady: Doctor, I thought you said three males a day.


Q: What's the similarity between a lady and a chewing gum?
A: Both are sweet and tight in the beginning but become tasteless and shapeless later.


An erection is like the Theory of Relativity - the more you think about it, the harder it gets.


Lightest muscle is a man's PENIS. It can be raised by a woman's TONGUE!
Strongest muscle is a man's TONGUE! It can raise a woman's LEGS!


Breaking News: Coke will launch a new soft drink in the world market soon, that will contain Viagra. They have named it MOUNT-N-DO!


Taking a clue from recent budget, a call girl now charges extra for ANAL entry. She calls it 'Turnover' tax.


A survey by Cosmo states that women who sleep on their side are sensitive, on stomach are competent and on their back with legs in the air are very popular.


Mr Elahi had 3 sons named Rehmet-e-Elahi, Brkat-e-Elahi, n Mehbub-e-Elahi.
When his 4th son was born his wife decided to name him Bus-Kar-e-Eelahi


A 95 yr old man sucks his 90 yr old wife's breast for half hour and drinks two drops of milk and dies.
Postmortem report: Died because of drinking something after expiry date.


Q: What did one ant say to the other while climbing up Prince Charles' leg?
A: Meet you at the royal ball.


Q: Why women wear bra & panty with flowers printed on them?
A: To pay tribute to men who got burried at these 2 places.


One day the penis tells the balls:
Tonight v r goin 4 a party!
The balls reply, U bloody ****in liar, u always get inside while v r left outside!

Q: Why are men like a toothbrush?
A: They are useless without handle.


When I was born I got the choice: a major dick or a fine memory. I am not able to remember what I did choose.


Thought for the day: In terms of sex satisfaction, woman is like a road and a man is like a traveller. The traveller gets tired but the road never ends!


Man quits smoking because of will power.
He quits drinking because of will power.
But he quits womanizing because he has the will but no power.


Q: What do you call Afghan virgin?
A: Never Bin LaDen


Woman has man in it; Mrs. has Mr. in it; Female has male in it; She has He in it; Madam has Adam in it; No wonder men always want to be inside women!


Q: Agar Madhubala ki jagah Mallika Sherawat hoti Mughal-e-Azam mein to film ka naam kya hota?
A: Mughal-e-Orgasm!!!


A Greek n Italian were arguing over who is superior.
Greek: We gave sex to the world.
Italians: Yes you did, but we introduced it to women!


Scientists in the US proved that people who do not perform well in bed have difficulties to come hold their mobile in their right hand.


Write an essay which contains factors religion, sex & mystery.
Winning essay: Oh my god, I am pregnant, I wonder who did it!


Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death.


Q: What's the difference between a person who is committing suicide and a virgin?
A: One is trying to die and the other one is dying to try.


What do u usually say after Sex?
I Luv U?
Wrong!
That was great?
Wrong again!
I Luv it?
Wrong again!
The Ans: Mera Kachha Kithe Hai!


Ever wondered why A, B, C, D, E & F are used for bra sizes?
A: Almost boobs
B: Barely there
C: Can do
D: Damn good
E: Enormous
and F for Fake.


Name the 5 great kings that have brought happiness in peoples lives?
DrinKING,
LicKING,
SucKING,
F*cKING,
W*nKING !


Customer: Excuse me, but how can this tiny little hand bag cost so much?
Cashier: It`s made of foreskin madam, when u lick it, it becomes a suit case!


After great sex, she lies there stroking his penis.
He asks: Do you want more sex?
She says: No. Just admiring your penis. I used to have one just like it.


A gal tells her Doctor: I've got a bad discharge.
Dr: Drop ur knickers.
He fingers her & says how’s it feel?
Gal: Very nice, but the discharge is in my ear


The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating, but only 10% enters the female, and you wondered why the sea tasted so Fu*kin salty!


A reasent studdi haz chown thet peapel hoo aar amezing in bed ar krapp at spelin!


What's the diff between hook in cricket and hook of bra.
One sends ball out of boundary and other keeps balls within the boundary.


When nobody luvs u, nobody cares 4 u, nobody think about u, every1 ignores u, then go n sit in the corner close ur eyes n think: Bhanch*d Chakar kya hai?


Jack & Jill went up the hill to have a little fun.
But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.


Workers discuss cricket! Managers discuss tennis! Top bosses discuss Snooker! CEO's discuss Golf!
Moral: Higher u go smaller ur balls become!


If the penis is hard & erect it needs good ****, if it’s erect but soft it needs good suck, if it’s neither hard nor erect, it needs Good luck!


As a man goes older, it is harder and harder for him to grow harder.


Q: Why does a stupid blond girl never swim on her belly?
A: When she feels something wet she turn on her back.

 

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